Late yesterday afternoon after the front grassed area had been cut, my son and I settled down and had some quiet time with Meg who was sleeping largely peacefully. My son stayed with us until the point at which a Chinese meal which he had ordered arrived. Our plan is to keep this in the fridge overnight and then to have it as a family meal with my son and daughter-in-law later on in the day. This then keeps the following day, Sunday which is my 80th birthday absolutely clear so that the party that has been organised for me by my friends down the Kidderminster Road can take place in the hotel which is conveniently situated about 200 yards away. At the appointed time, two young male carers who know Meg very well came around and all they had to do was to ensure that Meg was comfortable so that, hopefully, she could have another peaceful night. They were the epitome of love and tenderness as they have been attending to Meg’s needs for the best part of a year. One of them is going to have a career in the army and is well certificated in First Aid as well as military First Aid so he is very well informed about things like the rattle in Meg’s throat which alarmed me somewhat yesterday but has now largely abated. The Asian male carer even kissed Meg goodnight which, of course I doubt is. sign of the affection in which Meg is held. After they had left, I consulted my phone and found the magnificent news that the one of our Erasmus students who works in the Complutense University of Madrid had organised a flight and was due to leave Madrid at 6.30 in the morning. Her text told me that she was coming via Paris and I have to make the supposition that this was the best way to arrive at Birmingham airport later on Saturday morning. I checked the arrivals schedule for Birmingham airport for morning flight and, indeed, two flights from Paris are due to land in the morning so I trust our dear friend is on one of them. She has evidently managed to get a visa in double quick time which is of course excellent news hen time is of the essence which it is at the moment. I cannot express how wonderful I feel that our ex-student and now lifelong friend is making this journey but it is a sign of the affection that in which Meg is held that they wish to jump on a plane and pay Meg a visit. It had been our intention to do exactly the same in the opposite direction to attend the funeral of the professor at the Complutense, Mariano Baena, upon his demise but it came at a time when Meg and I could no longer just jump on a flight and we only found out after the event of his funeral in any case. Our friend is so well organised that she has even booked a room in the hotel across the road although we could easily have accommodated her here had she so wished, and we had more time to discuss practical details. No sooner had I absorbed these details when the doorbell rang and it was our very good Irish friend from down the rod who called round with a huge bunch of lilies for Meg and also a flask of holy water brought all the way from Lourdes (devout Catholics will often ask friends who have been on pilgrimage to Lourdes in France to bring them back some Holy Water for occasions especially like this) You may call this peasant religion but it is really emotionally uplifting as well as a great source of comfort. My friend and I had a lot to discuss and for me to show my friend as well. The most important thing I managed to show her was the card signed by her Erasmus conference colleagues which was full of apposite comments such as ‘We miss you Meg’ which of course has an added poignancy at this time. I have plans for this which is, after consultation with translation facilities on the web, to take each of the comments on the card (written in English, French, German, Spanish and Italian as the conference participants were all linguists) and then to make a little display showing the comments in their original and then the translation and this will be a fitting tribute to Meg in what her probably her finest and happiest hours. The second thing I had to show our friend was the photograph I discovered when I was tidying up the study and it is an A4 photograph of myself and Meg standing in front of the (huge) Lincoln memorial in Washington, USA. I had attended the conference when I was accumulating conference papers for my PhD and I willingly paid for Meg to accompany me but I think this must have been the best part of thirty years ago. The third bit of memorabilia I showed our friend was the original organist’s notes for the music played at our wedding in September, 1967, and this bit of paper is more than 57 years old. The final thing I showed our friend was to play a rendition on the IBM ThinkPad of the recently downloaded Handel aria ‘Waft her, angels, through the skies’ which, of course at the moment reduces me within seconds to floods of tears. We had had some really practical things to discuss for the forthcoming ‘surprise’ birthday bash to be held by my friends for me in the hotel across the road in view of the circumstances that pertain at the moment. Meg died peacefully, and in no pain, at 2.39 on Saturday afternoon, surrounded by family and friends and at peace with the world.

These are strange times for me to be living through at the moment because there are not many occasions when one has to say goodbye to a lifelong partner whom I have known for nearly sixty years and been married to for over 57½ years But I have my tidying up agenda as well as longer plans to visit family (in Yorkshire) and friends (in Spain), Yesterday, I had turned my attention to the table Meg used in the kitchen as her desk and is now occupied by several files, stuffed full of medical and social care details. I have completed the task of clearing the desk top but the final task is to go through each of the bulky files and prune then down. I have processed one labelled as ‘Health’ which contains stuff accumulated over the years that can now be safely discarded.

Last night after Meg had been put to bed and appeared to be sleeping soundly, I took the opportunity to have a video link with my sister who I should have contacted the day before but other phone calls intruded. After this, I made contact at her invitation with one of Meg’s nieces with whom I get on particularly well – in fact, she and her husband attended our 50th wedding celebrations in Santiago de Compostela in northern Spain which they enjoyed very much. Meg’s cousin had lost her own mother to dementia some thirteen months ago but at that stage Meg was too ill to attend to travel to attend the funeral which was a source of sadness for us both. Also Meg’s niece had a big operation for cancer a few years ago but fortunately, I was to learn, is still in remission. Meg’s cousin said she would drive up from Gloucestershire to see us but I indicated that this was a wonderful offer but I was coping all right at this stage. Now to return to my tidying up agenda because I needed to attention to my kitchen table. This has upon it a series of ceramic bowls into which we have go into the habit of storing bits-and-bobs. Now these have grown over the weeks and months and needed a radical sort out. The day before, I utilised my new refurbished filing system to ensure that all the piles of paper went into their correct homes and this left the bits and bobs, none of which had a natural home. Amongst the things I found were some lanyards that Meg could wear if we went out and she became separated from me as well as a variety of Pilates stretch bands. I have managed to find a good home for these bits-and-bobs such that I know what they are and where they re. What came to my salvation was one of a collection of storage baskets that Poundland used to sell and which were excellent, as it happened, for storing CD’s. But these particular storage baskets were of an excellent shape and has a stout handle built into the side so you could easily store the same in a cupboard but retrieve it easily without spilling the contents all over the place. Unfortunately, this make and design of basket is no longer stocked and I have an eye on a replacement size and shape which I may purchase for future use so that I always have a good storage location for those things that do not have a natural home. I now have the kitchen table absolutely decluttered and shipshape and probably looking in better order than it has at any time in the past ten years. I am now turning my attention to a subsidiary kitchen table which Meg used to use a long time ago as her workspace and this is crying for decluttering treatment as well. It is rather full of files detailing medical and care arrangements but no doubt, I can get that turned around as well.

The day before, we saw the fairly rapid election of a new Pope – an American cardinal who has chosen the name of Leo XIV. You might have thought that an American cardinal would not have been the first choice of many but he had worked as a missionary priest in Peru for a period of 9 years and had even taken out Peruvian citizenship. This may have helped to detoxify his candidacy and he appears to be a good linguist having excellent Spanish as well as Italian. He had previously been appointed by the last Pope, Francis, to head up the body responsible for the selection of new bishops so was well integrated into the power structures of the Catholic church. He appears to be a moderate but progressive on some important issues such as an enhanced role for women in the Catholic church. He could be that he emerged as a compromise candidate but we shall soon see what kind of papacy we shall have when key, essentially political-style appointments, are made as they within his gift as a new Pontiff.

This morning, Meg’s breathing was starting to become erratic and she was emitting some gurgling noises which were alarming in the extreme. I telephoned the District Nurse and got a very sympathetic soul who appeared within about an hour. She reassured me that Meg was not in any pain or distress and relatives, such as myself were often worried but there was a simple explanation. As Meg’s swallowing reflex had disappeared there is a build up of fluids in the throat and this what causes the strange sounds. She administered a special injection to Meg and said if things were no better in an hour then she would come again and administer a further dose. But the medication proved to be very effective and it enabled Meg to sleep peacefully throughout the morning. Then the Eucharistic minister turned up again and we had a special few prayers said by the bedside. we exchanged our thoughts on the election of the new Pope and what it might mean for the future of the Catholic Church and particularly the role of women within it. After our friend had departed, our son came along after his own doctor’s appointment and we sat quietly with Meg until the two late morning carers arrived. What they had to do for Meg was actually quite minimal and they were very careful and tender in their handling of her. When they came to leave, knowing it might be the last time they would be called upon to administer to Meg, one of them was in tears and the other very close. It must be emotionally draining for the carers s well as for myself and there were lots of hugs all round. After they had departed, and my son was sitting with Meg, I shot off down the road to pick up my daily newspaper. The very kindly Asian ‘partner’ as they are called in Waitrose gave me a hug and pressed a bunch of yellow roses into my hand which I put into the bedroom even though Meg is not in a position to appreciate them. Then I made a lunch of quiche accompanied by some salad even though my appetite is suppressed. I also seized the opportunity whilst my son was here and sitting by Meg’s bedside to get the front lawn area cut so that mowing activities do not intrude upon the rest of the weekend.

We none of us know exactly what a day is going to bring. Last night, Meg seems to have quite a peaceful night for which I was grateful. During the course of the afternoon when I judged that Meg could safely be left, I sent off several texts to family and friends informing them that Meg was now in the terminal stages of her illness and my next communication with them would probably be a sad one. I received replies very quickly with many expressions of sympathy and support. One of my friends from Hampshire sent me a longish text explaining that his father had died in a similar way and indicating that he was available for a talk if I felt so inclined. So we arranged a time of 8.30pm for a phone call and were actually on the phone for about an hour, all in all. This was a source of great emotional support to me and it is always helpful to talk with a friend who has shared similar life experiences and the emotional concomitants. But my friend has experienced the loss of both parents and a newly born child so is only too aware of the grieving process. My friend has a family flat in Weymouth on the south coast which he offered to Meg and myself in the past – a wonderful offer which we had to decline because Meg would not have been able to negotiate the stairs giving access to the flat. But my friend repeated the offer to me which is wonderful to know. Having informed the next door neighbours of the latest information, our next door neighbour called around to see us. She has had a terrible year with the death in close proximity of three close family members so here again we have an example of someone who knows of what she speaks. I reassured her of my long term plans indicating my firm intention to stay put and gradually get the house into good order, as I move though it room by room decluttering and generally taking the opportunity to divest myself of the things accumulated over the years. Most people when they move houses take the opportunity to go through cupboards and lofts discarding the stuff they do not wish to take with them and my memory is that when we left Hampshire, we filled three skip loads of unwanted stuff. In Hampshire, our local tip was only less than a mile away as I remember so it was quite easy to dispose of stuff when one was in a good ‘throwing away’ mood but very occasionally, I came away with goodies that other people had discarded, one of the most notable being an L S Lowry print which is still hung in my study to remind myself of our Manchester days. I still tell carers and others of the days when, as students during the long vacation, I had a job in a cardboard box factory (which was actually pretty interesting) whilst Meg, by a stroke of complete good fortune, worked in the McVities biscuit factory which was practically adjacent, so we used to journey there and back on my (Lambretta) scooter.

The morning turned out to be quite a busy one. I received a phone call out of the blue as they say from one of our two lifelong Spanish friends whose stay in Leicester was facilitated by Meg as part of her role in coordinating the EU exchange relationships we had. The two students who came to Leicester in the 1990s were students in their 20’s then but are now 50 year olds now with responsible positions in their respective universities in Spain. One of them hearing about Meg’s declining health has decided to jump on a plane and get over here as fast as she can whist she still has the opportunity to see Meg. But now we have left the EU you need to get a visa in both directions so this will probably delay our friend’s ability to get over here quickly. I do not know how long it will take but it is troublesome that what used to be easy is now so problematic. We will be delighted to see our friend again, but I fear that Meg may not be able to recognise her – let us hope she can get here within a day or so. In response to the emails and texts that I sent out yesterday, the Eucharistic minister from our local church and her husband turned up. We said a few prayers together round Meg’s bedside and then went on to talk about musical matters as both of our friends are leading lights in the musical life of our church. The Eucharistic minister herself is an extremely talented musician combining the ability to play the organ at church whilst also playing the cello in any local improvised orchestras and she has, in the past, played Mozart’s Piano Concerto No 23 in a public performance. After my church friends had left, it was not too long afterwards that one of the carers arrived to do the ‘sit’ with Meg whilst I went out to do the weekly shopping. I actually found this to be quite an emotionally upsetting experience as I swept past various items on the supermarket shelves thinking to myself that there was no point in buying that product any more – and so on for a range of items. Soon we almost had a houseful of people because the two mid-day carers came along and there was nothing really to do for Meg but they held her hand and spoke softly to her and my son joined them for the latter part of the morning as well. Then I cooked some lunch for myself (some quiche, having thrown the chicken bits away so that I did not poison myself with salmonella). After all Meg’s visitors had left, I busied myself with the piles of documents on our kitchen table which needed to be filed but which I have not had the chance to process in the last few weeks as Meg’s needs have intensified.

A trade deal has been announced between the UK and the USA but the details are still being chewed over as I write. It may take some time to analyse whether or not this will be a real game changer but Trump needs to show that his policy of imposing tariffs to impose a deal is working whilst the UK is seeking to minimise the damage that the tariff regime will create for industries in the UK.

These are strange days as Meg gradually declines. She is now at the stage where we do not get her out of bed any more as excessive handling via the hoist may be painful for her so we are keeping her as comfortable as possible. Last night, the two young carers who put her to bed were absolutely excellent and, after Meg was in bed, sat with her holding and gently stroking her hands and were so full of tenderness. I went to bed at about 9.30pm but was awoken an hour later by my Italian friend down the road who had texted me to enquire about Meg and we exchanged a little ‘ping-pong’ of good night texts. When her husband died about seven years ago or even longer, I tried to be a source of emotional comfort to my friend and she has promised that she will do exactly the same for me now that we are in an analogous situation. My son texted and phoned this morning and after an early morning swim (now that he is retired and can do that sort of thing) he will be over a little later on in the day. The day may prove to be a busier one that normal as our domestic help will call around as well as the scheduled visit of the District Nurses. The staff from the care agency are being absolutely marvellous and are giving me lots of hugs as well as TLC for Meg. Sky News has an interesting post this morning which as it is a videoclip I have not played but the import of is a discussion why the Pope is important to all of us even to non-Catholics and can make an impact on our own laws as well as world affairs. I was recently completely offended by seeing Donald Trump dressed up (in an artificially constructed photo) in the Pope’s regalia coupled with his expressed desire to be treated like a Pope – this is the ultimate obscenity and a mark of the depravity of the man. I hope USA Catholics who voted for Trump now express their revulsion in their voting behaviour. On the domestic front, we are now in for another spell of warmer weather but not as hot as the weather we experienced about a week ago which set records for 1st May and, eventually when time permits, I must get out and start to do some gentle gardening again (a task neglected over the months, I am afraid to say) Yesterday when the ‘sit’ carer arrived, I did manage to make a lightning visit outside the house to get some cash out an ATM and to fill the car up with petrol (which, given it is hybrid, does not have to be done too often these days) In the morning, I exchanged series of supportive texts with my sister and niece who are following events closely and are offering all of their love and support which, is, of course, wonderful to have.

Our domestic help called around and very kindly did one or little acts of ministration to Meg by combing her hair and putting some cream on her hands. Obviously, she is as upset as the rest of us but managing to contain herself. Later on the two District Nurses called around and after a hunt around we found the morphine medication which is available for us them to administer to Meg should the need arise. There is now no need, apparently, for the Palliative care team to call around as Meg is already under treatment but the two District Nurses are skilled and knowledgable about these matters from what I could tell. I have been left with a telephone number if Meg’s condition worsens or there are any other matters to report. The house now seems empty after a flurry of activity this morning but the next visit of the care workers will be in a couple of hour’s time. This morning whilst it looked as though Meg could safely be left for a few minutes, my son and I completed the tidying up of the study by getting rid of the multitude of cardboard boxes which had been stored along the top of the bookcases and were being retained in which any equipment bought in the past needed to be returned. We must have got rid of about 30 boxes all in all but we ripped these up so the cardboard was reduced to fairly small pieces and then straight into our green bin. I was pleasantly surprised that we did not fill the bin to overflowing but this is a job well done and we still have things (like toner cartridges of which we seem to have a good supply) which are still housed on top of the bookcases. I forced myself to cook some lunch for which I was not really hungry but I have spent some time emailing/texting various friends and relatives informing then about this last stage in Meg’s illness. This way, when I have to convey some sad news, most of my friends will have had some forewarning. After I had taken the grey bin out ready for collection in the morning, I tool the opportunity to call in on our neighbour to inform him of developments.

As you might imagine, the return of Labour MPs to the Commons has given the opportunity for them to vent their anger at the withdrawal of the winter fuel allowance. This is the one issue that came up on the doorsteps time after time and the amount of political damage it created is incalculable. Of course, we have the situation where the Prime Minister feels he has to justify the policy even when it is subject to attack but there is no indication that the government will change its mind. The Opposition parties must be rubbing their hands in glee as the policy of withdrawing the winter fuel allowance will not save a great deal of money and makes the present government appear to be lacking in both competence and any kind of concern for the voters who elected them.

We seem to be rather a different timetable with our care agency this morning. Despite the planning sheet with which we are issued once a week, things often change on a daily basis. Whereas the normal ‘getting up’ time for Meg is normally 8.00am or sometimes 8.30am, this has been re-timed this morning to some time after 10.0am which is unusual. I think that what has happened is that the care agency think Meg should be confined to her bed for much of the time, a move which I have resisted until now. But now the Bank Holiday is over, we are hoping from an assessment visit from the palliative care team and as they probably wish to examine Meg, she needs to be in her bed in any case. So we are prepared for the late start on this particular occasion and then we have to see what (if?) the palliative care team and then start a process of ‘playing it by ear’ As a creature of habit, I much prefer a more settled routine to which we have become accustomed over the months but we need to accommodate to changing circumstances. As Meg is asleep so very much of the time, I do not suppose it makes a great deal of practical difference but sometimes after a ‘bad’ day we have a ‘good’ day and vice versa. Last night, I managed to use a syringe to get some drops of water into Meg’s mouth and the care workers ere excellent in helping me to achieve this. But I also manged to get a little pot of custard-and-jelly inside Meg in the evening which acted as a vehicle for her normal pills which was a bonus that I did not expect.

In Rome, the world’s attention is turning to the conclave in which those cardinals aged less than 80 who are entitle to vote will participate in the centuries old and secret tradition of electing a new Pope. The Italians themselves are already speculating on the outcome with several Italian cardinals in the running but an Asian or African candidate not being ruled out. The most recent conclaves – for Pope Francis in 2013, Pope Benedict XVI in 2005 and Pope John Paul II in 1978 – all lasted less than three days. Except for the first day, when only one ballot is held, the cardinals hold four daily votes – two in the morning, two in the afternoon – until one candidate has a majority of two-thirds plus one. In this case the required number is 89. After each round of voting, the ballot papers are burned and a black die added to turn the smoke from the specially installed chimney to black. But when a successful candidate has been chosen, a special die is added to the bundle of ballot papers to turn the issuing smoke to white. And then the announcement is made from the balcony of St Peters that  ‘Habemus Papa’ (‘We have a Pope’) and the name of the newly elected Pope is announced. If I might engage in. little speculation of my own, I suspect that if the newly elected Pope assumes the name of ‘Francis II’ this will be a signal to the world that the reforming tendencies of the previous Pope will be continued. On the UK domestic front, MPs are returning to Parliament after the recent tumultuous local elections and it could be that Labour MPs are in both a fearful and a rebellious mood. After all, when canvassing on the doorstep, the issue of the withdrawal of the winter fuel allowance must have been mentioned to every one of them and never has so much political damage been done for the saving of comparatively small amounts of money.

This morning I seemed to be on the phone most of the morning, the only really productive phone call being to the company who installed the stir lift about a year ago asking them to now uninstall it. I did get a phone call from the Palliative Care team but was dismayed to learn that their hands were tied until they had received an official quest from the GP’s surgery which was not forthcoming. This then necessitated a phone call to the surgery and after a long wait, I vent my anger at them that the request that should have made by them on Friday afternoon, they were just getting around to  it now, the weekend and the Bank Holiday intervening. I had to point out to them forcefully that when one if at end -end-of-life scenario, a wait of four days is intolerable and it was within the realms of possibility that the Palliative care team would arrive on the scene too late. In the middle of the day, we had Meg’s normal ‘sit’ carer plus two late morning carers, but Meg’s breathing was so laboured at this point that we thought she might only have an hour left to live. I called my son who came around promptly and our Italian friend phoned so I appraised her o the situation and she came around as well. In the event Meg had a pretty tranquil afternoon and seemed to be peaceful, pain free and comfortable. The care company staff are all now informed of the situation so our collective aim is to keep Meg in bed and as calm, comfortable and pain free as is possible with minimal handling. So I am reconciled in my mind and soul as to what the next few hours or even day or so might bring but  am relieved, so far, that Meg is experiencing a tranquil end to her days on this earth. Tomorrow morning the District Nurse team will call around and they might summon the Palliative Care team but perhaps, too little and too late. Last night whilst Meg was in bed and before the issues of today developed, I managed to down a Handel aria (‘Waft her, angels, through the skies’) for which I paid the princely sum of £1.20 but now I have a legitimate copy of the requisite .mp3 file. I am making some tentative plans for the days ahead which are to follow and although Meg appears not to recognise me any more (which is painful) I am trying to reassure myself and all who care for Meg that she has a tranquil passage out of this world.

Yesterday, after the front lawns had been cut, I had just settled down to start to watch ‘Paddington’ for the umpteenth time when I noticed that one of my nieces in Yorkshire had tried to phone me in the morning so I decided to return her call. What ensued was a telephone conversation which went on for an hour whilst we discussed lots of family matters but particularly the state of Meg’s declining health. I know that my niece would dearly like to pay us a visit but we are separated by a difficult cross-country journey of about 160 miles and she (and her husband) have their own health concerns in any case. We discussed a lot of matters in very great depth and i know that she is constantly thinking about our situation and she assured me of her constant love and support. We discussed various matters which I had also chewed over with our University of Birmingham friend yesterday and whilst my niece is generally appraised of what is going in in our lives via this blog, there are evidently lots of details which it would not be appropriate to reveal. It is always reassuring to know that there are family members who are available and to whom one can turn in moments of distress and/or despair but we are not at that point yet. On the subject of family matters, my son and his wife were due to come over later in the day to help to do some gardening and, given this is the rapidly growing season, this is also much appreciated. After we had moved to Leicestershire in 1971, Meg and I and our son moved to a beautiful 1920’s built detached house where the owner had regenerated all of the house’s important domestic systems such as electrical rewiring and plumbing but what he had not had time to do was the garden, apart from an evident cutting of the back lawn. Now what greeted us once we asked to see the garden was a formal back garden, then an orchard and then a vegetable plot at least 50 yards in length. This had been neglected during the illness of the two previous owners and we were faced with a plot where the weeds were between 4′-5′ in height. But my son and I turned it around by cutting down the jungle of weed and gradually digging it over. Even at a young age, my son was a good little digger and he earned money at the rate of about 2s6d (12.5p) an hour which he utilised to buy Hornby track and locomotives for his model railway we had laid out in a back bedroom. At a later age, my son graduated onto ‘real’ trains, and this has been an enduring life interest and, as a hobby, he both part owns and drives Class 50 diesel locomotives on the neighbouring Severn valley railway. In fact, his joint interest in photography and these locomotives resulted in him being commissioned to write an illustrated history of these locomotives which adorns my bookshelves to this day. At some point in the next few days, we are expecting a visit from the Palliative Care team who will call around to make an assessment of Meg’s needs but the intervening Bank Holiday (May 1st being a national holiday in most countries but not the UK) makes life arkward. Without wishing to sound too curmudgeonly, Bank Holidays just represent a departure from normal routines and are not particularly appreciated. For example, the birthday card which I have written for a friend in Oxfordshire has not yet been posted as it will only sit around for about 4 days before the post box is actually emptied (Friday until Tuesday).

My son and daughter-in-law called around this morning and I was very pleased to see them both. We spent quite a lot of time discussing family matters and how we were going to navigate the days and weeks ahead in view of Meg’s condition. Afterwards, they set to work pruning the laurel hedge which surrounds our BioDisk. This job is now so large, it is going to have to be done in two tranches. I used a miniature syringe that the District Nurses had supplied in the past to get a few drops of water inside Meg’s mouth but any lunch was clearly beyond her. The sun started to shine brightly so I thought I seize the opportunity to get the back lawn cut. I left a note for the nurses hanging out of our letter box and I had just complete my mowing when they turned up and read the note. We conveyed Meg to her downstairs bedroom where the District Nurse applied a dressing to the new pressure sore and then we collectively decided to leave her in bed to minimise any further handling, which is proving increasingly painful. I requested the nurses that they make a further request of the Palliative Care team to come to assess Meg’s needs and they said they would when they returned to the office. When the Bank Holiday is over, I hope the Palliative Care can swing into action. We are in the scenario now where myself, the carers and the District Nurses are doing what we can to avoid unnecessary handling to minimise the amount of pain that Meg may be experiencing.

The media has been dominated by military parades and aircraft fly past to celebrate VE Day (Victory in Europe) day. The exact anniversary is on Thursday, May 8th but there are four days of celebrations planned, starting today and utilising, no doubt, the May spring bank holiday. It is now 80 years since the end of the war in Europe and there are just a sprinkling of veterans left who served in the second World War and in ten years time (then 90th celebrations) there might not be any. A lot of focus is on the celebrations and street parties at the time, and it now well known that the young Princess Elizabeth and Princess Margaret crept out from Buckingham Palace under a cloak of anonymity in order to participate in and to enjoy the universal celebrations that were going on around them. I think the government has relaxed the licensing legislation so that people may enjoy an extended evening of drinking on Thursday evening, as well.

Last night, I rather delayed my getting to bed time because I spent a certain amount of time ‘playing’ with my IBM ThinkPad which I have in the study and is built like a brick. The original ThinkPads were built by IBM but the Chinese company LenNovo acquired the brand name and continued to build successors to the ThinkPad under is own name, LeNovo. But the original ThinkPads had an extraordinary build quality and they were indeed allowed in space, specifically on the International Space Station (ISS) The first ThinkPad to go into space was the 750C model in 1993. For many years, ThinkPads were the only laptops certified for use on the ISS. The brand has a strong loyalty following and there are some journalists who are prepared to forego some lack of features in return for the superior keyboard. ThinkPad keyboards are widely regarded as among the best, especially for touch typing, due to their clicky action, longer key travel, and overall tactile feedback Many users find them comfortable for extended typing sessions. They also incorporate unique features like the TrackPoint pointing device. While there are some differences in keyboard feel across different ThinkPad models, the overall quality and typing experience are generally considered high. ThinkPad keyboards tend to have a more pronounced click when keys are pressed, along with a greater distance that keys travel, which many users find more satisfying and easier to type on, The TrackPoint, a red nub in the centre of the keyboard, allows for cursor control without moving your hands off the keyboard, a feature appreciated by many. ThinkPads are known for their robust construction, including durable hinges, reinforced chassis, and spill-resistant keyboards. The keyboard layout and overall feel of ThinkPad keyboards are often praised for their suitability for touch typing and long-term use. So I have a degree of affection for my ThinkPad but as it was designed decades ago, the older models have a ridiculously small 40GB internal hard disk. I have extended this with one of those little ‘nub’ like SanDisk drives which SanDisk called ‘Ultrafit’ of 128Gb as well as a larger, credit card sized hard disk of 500Gb. So all in all, the number of USB ports is very limited and the external speakers would normally demand another USB port to draw some power. This is where an external Power Bank comes into play because you can use this as a power source thus obviating the need for an extra USB port. These are really thought of as emergency sources of power for one’s phone when on the road but I have just purchased a high capacity one cheaply from the web. I wanted to see how long it would provide power for my speakers and discovered that whilst it takes some time to charge, it seems to provide about an hour’s worth of power at the cost of 1% of its capacity. So if I play my ThinkPad for about an hour a day whilst in the study I will have about three months ‘playing time’ before I need to recharge it. I was also hunting for some classic photos including one of Meg pushing our son in a little pushcart when he was about 2 years old and I was glad to have rediscovered the location of this and one or two historic photos evidently scanned in at the time but the originals have been lost decades ago.

Our University of Birmingham friend called around this morning and, as usual, I was delighted to see him. We had a very serious discussion about lay ahead in the months and he gave me some very good and practical advice, much of which I am I will follow. Our The arrival of the late morning care workers is always a signal for our friend to depart and I always say goodbye to him with a heavy heart. The two care workers who called around today were the same two who called around four times yesterday so we decide collectively the next way to make Meg comfortable without unnecessary handling that might her cause her discomfort or actual pain. Then I proceed to cook my Sunday lunch which is to sear some chicken pieces and then have them cooked in a sweet and sour sauce in the microwave oven which I use a lot these days. I gave my son and his wife details of how to get to Clevedon to which we had been first introduced by our University of Birmingham friend and he had made his first visit there yesterday. It had evidently made quite an impression upon him because he had some of the best tapas ever in a restaurant overlooking the Bristol channel and had evidently taken on the delights of walking along the pier which has been described by Sir John Betjeman, that most notable lover of Victoriana, as ‘the most beautiful pier in England’. When Meg was more mobile, my friend and I took het there on at least two if nor three occasions and we always enjoyed our excursions out there made more accessible by the fact it is easily reached from the M5 motorway. In the afternoon, as soon as lunch was over, I set myself the task of getting our front grassed area mown. Although the sun was a little overcast when I started, the clouds rolled away and I finished the task with the sun shining. Later on this afternoon, they are showing ‘Paddington’ for the umpteenth time. Although I have seen it several times, I still enjoy it tremendously and actually prefer the first film slightly to its successor, Paddington 2. I have always maintained it as much an adult’s film as it is a children’s with some interesting themes such as how, as a society, we react to strangers (even polite ones like Paddington) in our midst. The carers will come to Meg in the late afternoon and we may follow the pattern of the last day or so and actually put her to bed , but not actually go through the actual ‘going to bed for the nighttime’ routine until later on in the day.

Perhaps for once, it is no exaggeration at all to say that the local election results fundamentally changed the political landscape of the country. In terms of councils, Reform gained 10 (previously 0), the Liberal Democrats 3,Conservatives 0 (previously 18) and No overall Control (10, up from 4) And in terms of seats, the Reform party gained 677 (previously 0), Liberal Democrats 370 (gain of 163), Conservatives 319 (loss of 677 – spookily, exactly the same number as Reform gained), Labour 98 (loss of 189) and No Overall Control, 177 (gain of 26) . As is evident, on this showing Reform would, on suitably adjusted figures, form the next government were the results to be mirrored in a general election. It is no wonder that these results are being viewed as no flash in the pan but a fundamental change in the British political landscape. The results are almost as bad for the Labour party as they were for the Conservatives as Labour lost two thirds of the seats they were defending. The overall headline figures conceal even more though. Here in Worcestershire, the Conservatives lost control but Reform finished the day with 27 seats, the Conservatives 12, Greens 8 and Liberal Democrats 6 and Independent 4. So although, technically, Worcestershire is No Overall Control, in practice the Reform party is far and away the largest party. They only have to persuade 2 of the 4 Independents to vote with them (or not vote against them) to have effective control of the County Council and this result may be repeated elsewhere. So what we are witnessing is the death of traditional two party politics and the birth of genuine multiparty democracy. The really huge political question, though, is how Reform is going to govern at a local level. In terms of their policies, their principal policy (strict control of immigration) is the hands of central government and they have no say, even over the location of hotels in which illegal immigrants are accommodated. What is their exact policy on the principal budget item which is the budget for social care? So far, I have heard them talk of running the service more ‘efficiently’ whatever that means but is the same policy as both Labour and Conservative in any case.

Turning to domestic matters, yesterday was the third day in which Meg failed to fully come around from a sleep and it was almost impossible to get any food or drink inside her, let alone medication. So we are now in a scenario where we have to make Meg as comfortable as is possible. The care workers’ inclination is to have Meg in bed all day long but even this stage of Meg’s illness might last for a considerable time and I want Meg to carry on occupying her chair in the Music Lounge where some of the music played may permeate her consciousness and the proximity to the kitchen makes it much easier to transport food and drink in her direction. Last night, I received a sympathetic text from one of our ‘coffee’ friends hoping that she would see us on Saturday but as her own husband died from dementia, I think she has a very full appreciation of the situation. As the weather is still fine and Meg will be asleep I fully intend to push Meg down the hill in her wonderful new wheelchair but I am conscious of the fact that this may be the very last time this is feasible. The care agency manager, having received reports from his staff, was appalled at the poor service given by our GP practice and sent them a message in effect saying ‘Get visiting today and prescribe some proper pain relief’. This missive evidently had an effect because a young, I think Nigerian GP, called around and I managed to convince her that Meg was now at the stage where Oramorph patches were required. She said that on her return to the surgery she would activate an assessment from the palliative care team but as Monday is a Bank Holiday, this may take some days to work through the system. Meg was put to bed at teatime by the carers yesterday ie. about two hours earlier than usual and I did not demur on this occasion. But on a more pleasant note, yesterday evening I received a phone call from our close Irish friends who live down the road. They have intimated to me that they are organising a ‘surprise’ birthday celebration for me at the local Holiday Inn (which is only about 200-300 metres away) on the occasion of my 80th birthday, which is on Sunday, May 11th i.e. only just over a week away. We discussed some of the practical arrangements and my earnest hope is Meg is still with us on that occasion, although no doubt she will sleep through the proceedings. This whole organisation of a birthday celebration is a most wonderful testament to the efforts which my friends are making on my behalf, and I shall be eternally grateful to them but let us hope that everything falls into place as we are planning.

Yesterday was a little unusual in that the same two care workers were together for the each of the four visits during the day. They have known each other and worked together as teenagers so they are very experienced. Nonetheless, when they were getting Meg ready this morning and she was in some pain as they were getting her legs straightened out a little, I thought they had tears in their eyes – as did I. Their inclination is not keep Meg in bed during all of the day but I wish to maintain a ‘normal’ routine as long as humanly possible. In the morning, I managed to get several spoonfuls of porridge inside Meg which is an advance on previous days and then, neatly bundled up in her new wheelchair, we set off on a journey down the hill to Wetherspoons and saw two friends, the third friend being away on holiday. I am pleased to say that Meg seemed fairly soundly asleep during these proceedings and after our coffee I had a quick tour around a cosmetics shop and also our local ‘Poundland’ where I bought a couple of items of stationery. The local cosmetics store also received a visit with items bought for myself on this occasion.Then, of course, it was the long haul up the hill but I take it easily so that I do not exhaust myself. Having said that, having got home, the wheelchair wheels cleaned of grit and Meg divested of her ‘going out’ blanket, I did promptly fall asleep only to be awakened by the carers ringing the doorbell. We lunched on a Aldi ready meal where the marketing department had done a good job in making a miniscule amount of rice, beef and sauce sound exotic but it was somewhat pedestrian. But I did manage to get Meg to eat a little, finishing with a chocolate mousse desert so I am satisfied with that.

Yesterday, I had a start to the day I could well do without. I woke up some time before 5.00am and immediately discerned that something was amiss as my clock radio was not showing the time. After a bit of investigation, I discovered that the entire power circuits in the house (but not the lighting circuits) were ‘down’ My first port of call was evidently the RCB in the garage where all of the switches were ‘up’ except one which evidently controlled the power circuits which was in the ‘down’ position. I tried to flick it up but it immediately sprang down again and I thought it was best not to be forced. So I got up myself up and dressed, texted my son with my dilemmas and got a little battery operated radio to work so I could tune into some news and then made a request to an emergency electrician which according to the web was a family owned concern, good quality ratings and did emergency call-out work. Then my son came around, flicked up the switch on the RCB with the requisite amount of pressure and all of my power was restored. My relief was palpable but I think I need a good consultation with neighbours to see if they have a regular and reliable electrician on their books so that I know who to contact when the next emergency occurs. As I was waiting for my son to arrive, the news of the Runcorn and Helby by-election came through after a recount. Reform won this by six votes (it was by 4 votes until the Labour party demanded a full recount) and this must be one of the closest by-elections of all time. The Labour Party activists and canvassers on the ground report dismay at Labour policies with the withdrawal of the winter fuel allowance head of the list of grievances and it is no surprise to me that the Labour Party gets a bloody nose whilst the number of Reform MPs has gone up from 4 to 5. Most of the counting of Thursday’s vote will not take place until Friday so the analysis and post-mortems will come later in the day. It could well be that the fine weather is coming to a close today with a risk of a thunderstorm so it is touch and go whether I put Meg outside in her ‘good’ wheelchair to enjoy a breath of fresh air.

In the morning, I popped out for a few minutes to pick up our daily newspaper and some supplies and got back in time for our Eucharistic minister to call around and perform a little service for Meg. This is the third day in which Meg has been asleep a lot of the time and the care workers are reporting this back to their manager. He has sent out a ‘groupnote’ chat so that all carers are aware of Meg’s gradual decline and has been rather appalled by the poor oversight offered to us by our doctors. He has got onto them to ‘suggest’ that Meg should now be an Oromorph routine (for when Meg is in pain when handled onto the bed via the hoist) He has also requested a home visit as he felt the doctors should be prescribing (or in Meg’s case, not really prescribing) adequate pain relief and the GP practice have texted me to say that a request to visit is in the system. I am fortunate, if that is the right word, that one of the middle-aged care workers nursed her own grandmother to her death (by dementia) and is aware of all of the final stages and impending signs for me to look out for. She is a great source of both first hand knowledge and also emotional support and I am very grateful. It looks as though the various parts of the care agency are pulling out the stops to care for Meg and this is really appreciated.

In the course of the morning, I have had the local election results coming through as the vote is counted. The newly formed Reform party (in the past UKIP and then the Brexit party) has made massive gains and even quite sober analysts such as Sir John Curtice are talking about a game-changing election as well as being a ‘turning point’ in British politics. To illustrate this, then in the case of Staffordshire County Council, then at the time of writing this, some 42/62 seats have already been declared in Staffordshire, a traditional Tory run council. Reform taken 33 seats out of the 66 and the Conservatives 9 but this is a dramatic turn around. Reform has been taken votes from the Conservative party (as in evident in the case of Staffordshire and no doubt other county councils) and also from the Labour party where people have been expressing dissatisfaction with the Labour party. One can well understand the disillusionment of the electorate with the Labour party as constantly on the doorsteps, the issues that come up are the withdrawal of the winter fuel allowance, the threatened cut back to disability benefits and the trashing of the local rural economies in the case of inheritance tax. One Labour MP has observed that the electorate voted for change when voting for Brexit without seeing any benefits, voted for Boris Johnson with no real change being observed in the lives of ‘ordinary’ people, then voted for the Labour party who advertised ‘Change’ but none of this has happened but Reform does appear that they might deliver some kind of radical change for the electorate who have evidently voted for them in great numbers. It is normally said that local elections are no guide to the next general election, but the large majority secured by the Labour party has been dubbed a ‘loveless’ vote. Lincolnshire has now followed Staffordshire as being won by the Reform party so what seemed to be moonshine only a few weeks ago now seems a real possibility that Reform could challenge the two major parties and even win the next general election. The analysis on the airwaves at the moment is that the Labour party is in a real ‘funk’ as the leadership seems not to be listening either to their own back benchers or to the electorate and seem to many of the electorate, and particularly, the Labour voters to be like some kind of Conservative party and not particular competent at that. This happens when you have a large majority and now that Reform is proving to be so successful, will the Labour Party be encouraged to adopt some form of electoral reform?

Late yesterday afternoon, I participated in my normal late Wednesday duty of making sure that our wheelie bins are pulled to the side of the public highway. As we live on a private road, the bins have to be hauled about 150 yards and yesterday was our brown (garden waste) day. By the side of our communal roadway, there were tall but fast growing weeds which were a real eyesore. In the past, I have maintained this strip of land and my neighbour has done it in the past but yesterday was too good an opportunity to miss. As the weeds are inhabiting gravel they were very narrow rooted and easy to get rid of and so after 10 minutes work the task was done and everything looks so much better, although to be fair I only concentrated on the tall growing weeds like rose bay willow herb and thistles that proved amenable to a rapid disposal. Then in the late afternoon when I was in our newly tidied up study, I thought I would try and see if the ancient IBM Thinkpad was still in operation and was a bit dismayed to see that I needed to supply a password to activate the account. Thinking whether I might have saved the password a year ago, I found a little blue book in which I may have written down some details but as it is about a year ago, I had completely forgotten whether I had written down this critical password or not. Whatever gods of fortune there are must have been smiling on me because when I opened the book not only was it the correct one but it even fell open at the page revealing the forgotten password. So now the little laptop swung into operation and I must say that I found the old operating system, Windows 7 Home Premium was crisp and intuitive to use. Doing a bit of reading, I think this particular operating system was a successor to the much loved Windows XP which is now defunct but was loved by millions worldwide. I detached the little credit card portable drive which the Thinkpad was utilising and took it off into our Main Lounge where I downloaded several downloads of music (principally Mozart) on to it. Then it was a case of whether the Media Player would recognise these .mp3 files. The first few, the media player would not play for whatever reason but I was left with a handful of quite playable Mozart tracks. Now it was a case of whether the hooked up laptop speakers would work. These are powered by a USB connection but the Thinkpad has very few of these and one of this is occupied by the unit for the cordless mouse. The speakers that I have are designed for laptops i.e. not big and clunky but designed to give the laptop a decent sound whilst still being portable enough when necessary. These I reminded myself were a Logitech Z120 and are I think are still available for purchase as the reviews of the sound quality were almost universally favourable. These, once I had plugged in the audio cable correctly, worked like a dream and I utilised some of the online ‘Test my Speakers’ programs to ascertain they were working correctly. To my ears, the sound quality was superb and intrigued, I did a quick browse on the web to gather some consumer views. A generally held view was that these little speakers punched above their weight and one reviewer went so far as to claim that the quality obtained was almost comparable to a Bose (which are generally globally acclaimed for their best-in-class sound and balanced output). My final little act of recommissioning was to charge up a little portable power source which means that the speakers can be run directly from this releasing one precious USB port and generally reducing the clutter on the computer table. So all in all, I had a very satisfactory late afternoon and early evening’s work although it delayed my bedtime a little.

Yesterday was the day when the electricity supply company told us there was going to be a planned electricity shutdown between the hours of 9 and 12. The power went off at about two minutes after 9.00am and once Meg’s ‘sitter’ carer had arrived, I went off to do our weekly shopping. This all went off as planned and Meg had been fast asleep all during the morning, as indeed she has for the last day or so. Even when the carers came to check on Meg in the middle of the day, she was in such a deep sleep that I asked that Meg not be disturbed. I was not particularly hungry today but made myself a meal of fried tomatoes and scrambled eggs thinking that I might be able to get some of this soft food inside Meg. Anyway it was not to be so I just have to leave things until Meg becomes somewhat more responsive. Yesterday was the day of the local elections which included some mayoral elections and a bye-election as well. But many of the councils are not starting to count until Friday morning, so there appears to be little point in staying up at all late as there is precious little to report upon, unless there are some exit polls. On the other hand, the start of the month is when the Premium Bond prizes are announced which is a flutter of excitement for some.

There is some surprise news on Wednesday that the US economy had contracted over the first three months of the year – caused by a dash for imports to beat tariffs – drove a decisive blow to oil prices. They have fallen steadily since Trump 2.0 began in January but the declines accelerated after the ‘liberation day’ tariff bomb was dropped early last month. Brent crude, the international benchmark, fell 15% in April alone and is currently trading at a four-year low of $60. So all of this may mean that energy prices and petrol prices could see a drop. However, it is wise not to hold one’s breath as a drop in wholesale process like this does not imply that prices to the consumer will drop, the utility and energy companies not resisting the temptation to add to their profits whilst buying more cheaply but not reducing prices to the consumer.