Yesterday morning as I awoke, my head was full of the fascinating conversations I had had with my relatives over drinks and the meal I had shared with them the evening before. One thing that is now certain is that my own life is entering a new phase and it means that I am much more free than I was both to visit my Yorkshire relatives but also for them to visit me in Bromsgrove. In particular, as I have several rooms spare in which to accommodate people, then a half term break or even more, is now completely possible. I feel that I need to get better informed about the ages and interests of the youngest generation of some branches of my Yorkshire family so that I can plan out what might be suitable activities for them. One thing for sure is a trip to the Severn Valley Railway and there is also a nearby Safari park. But I need to get better informed of other nearby attractions so that in future we can plans for some interesting stays. Moving on from this, there were two major news stories that engaged my attention. The first of these was the revelation of a scandal that even preceded the ‘Horizon’ computer scandal in which the Post Office had wrongly convicted scores of postmasters of fraud. Before the ‘Horizon’ system , there was a previous system called ‘Capture’ and on the basis of this evidence, one female sub-postmaster was convicted in 1998 and she has subsequently died. At her trial, a computer specialist was available and he turned up with a computer system but for some reason the defence barrister never called upon him to give evidence. He has subsequently gone into his garage ,and unearthed several hard disks upon which there is a report showing how flawed the ‘Capture’ system actually turned out to be in practice. Had this evidence been heard in 1998, then this conviction and subsequent Horizon convictions might never have happened. What is to follow now is a long legal process involving the Criminal Cases Review Commission and it may be years yet before justice is finally done. But the evidence contained on the computer technician’s hard disks is said to be ‘seismic’ so we shall follow this case with interest. The other big story is the legal advice given to the government about the legality of Israel’s actions against Iran. Legal advice is not published but there is an inkling that the Attorney General may have concluded that Israel’s actions are illegal. This then means that any assistance given to Israel (spare parts for jets, refuelling facilities in Diego Garcia – the list is endless) might mean that the UK is complicit in the breaking of international law and therefore is not in a position to give assistance to Israel in the present conflict. As in the case of Tony Blair and the Iraq conflict, the true status of the legal advice is never actually published but I suspect that at the heart of government there are severe concerns about the way in which the UK has always given support to Israel in past conflicts and the legality of current attacks against Iran is now a very live question.

In the morning, I spent a very quiet morning in the famous Valley Gardens in Harrogate, reading my newspaper, doing Sudoku and reading a book on grief by C S Lewis that my niece had lent to me. At midday, I made my way to the pub across the way from the ‘Crown Hotel’ where they serve a magnificent dark, mild beer and there I met with my niece, her husband and her son who just completed the first year of an undergraduate course in Politics and History. We spent a wonderful couple of hours and I relayed some stories amongst other things, of our undergraduate years and the trips that Meg and I used to make on a scooter across the Pennines along the old A62 road (before the M62 motorway was built). After they had left, I walked into town to my favourite Chinese restaurant and had what I hope to be a small meal of the House Special noodles (with pork, beef, prawns and lots of other things but proved to be a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be.) Then I had a bit of nap before I meet the fourth set of relatives this evening for a meal and post-funeral chat and then I will have succeeded in meeting all of my Yorkshire relatives which was, after all, the point of my trip here in the first place. After I have met with all of my relatives, I shall return home on Friday morning but not before the first set of relatives are going to treat me to a big cooked breakfast and then transport me to the railway station to send me on my way. The night before I had spent the most magnificent evening in the company of my (second) male nephew, his wife and their two delightful children. We started off in their house for pre-dinner drinks and I manage to show them some of the memorabilia concerned with Meg. Then we all went all to a local restaurant with which they have close affiliation and finally ended up back in the family home. There I was able to give them a full and detailed account of my mother’s life including several important details of which they were completely unaware – the opinion of the two children was that it sounded like the script from a film. After this wonderful reunion, I am eagerly looking forward to welcoming them to our family home in Worcestershire where we have plenty of space for everyone as we stand at the moment. We had a flurry of excitement about my hat which I had left behind in the house but we have made arrangements to be reunited with the same on the platform of the railway station tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I can only bask in the magnificent warmth that my family has shown to me and their support, love and welcoming embrace have made me feel very humble (and fortunate) that I have such a lovely bevy of relatives at this post-funeral stage of my new existence.

I woke up this morning after a pretty good night’s sleep to what comics in the past would have a day that was ‘scorchio’ ie hot all day. The first thing I did was to consult my phone where I had received an appreciative text from the husband of my niece who showed me around Harrogate and for whom I had purchased from Oxfam a cricketing manual. It looks as though this might be a delight for him which is a source of much pleasure. I then consulted the train timetables to find the frequency of a train to Knaresborough to see my sister again today. I found a good timetable and I was also taken to a site where I could book my ticket which was cheap enough and the return fare made it even cheaper. I paid for my ticket and then get the QR code installed on my phone (as my son showed me how to do the other day) so this really does make things like travel so much easier. Moreover, I have an ‘open’ ticket so I can linger in Knaresborough as long as I like and am under no time pressure to return. But in Harrogate I indicated to my favourite cafe owner that I would return for another meal and I am going to follow his recommendation for what to eat today. So far, my Yorkshire trip is fulfilling all of the objectives that I had intended for it and I have been indicating to my Yorkshire family that any member of the extended family can stay with me in Bromsgrove for a few days if they wanted a holiday break and, in return I feel I will probably return to the ‘Crown’ hotel in Harrogate on a regular basis. Meanwhile, the joys of rapid communication as I have pinged a few emails across to one of my former Oxfordshire friends and my son and my relatives. My Oxfordshire friend is telling me that the Teachers Pensions’ Agency may take months to process the continuation of Meg’s pension which is just the not good news I wanted to hear!

After breakfast, I picked up my newspaper and set off in plenty of time to catch the train to Knaresborough but as the walk to the station took less time than I imagined, I caught a train half an hour earlier than anticipated. I stopped off at a Costa Coffee on the High Street in Knaresborough and the very helpful young assistant helped me to navigate the way to the residential home where my sister is lodged. I had a little fishing about to do with cutting through some narrow ginnels off the High Street but found it without too much difficulty and arrived at my sister 20 minutes earlier than planned. I had taken a iPad along with me and although my photos are rather a jumble, I managed to find some family photos and others of interest to my sister and so we spent the morning until lunch time. At this point, I was going to leave to catch the train back to Harrogate and my sister was going to dine as she generally does in the dining room where she has a bit of company. But the care staff persuaded me to stay as they said that they had plenty of food for lunch so I dined with my sister in the beautifully appointed dining room. Towards the end of the meal, I was throwing out ideas how upon the occasion of my next visit to see my sister, we might take her out for tea or lunch somewhere. At this point the assistant manager of the care home hove into view and I asked what I thought was rather a bold question and whether on the occasion of my next visit, we might take tea in the gardens of the home. We worked out the occasion of my next visit would probably be on the occasion of my sister’s birthday. which is at the end of August and on a Sunday. The manager said she would be delighted to organise this for us and, even if it is wet, they had another little area where with the rest of the family we could have a little celebratory tea party. So I was delighted that I had actually asked the question and even more delighted that it looks as though a little celebration will be easy to arrange. I can now disseminate this news round the rest of the family when I see them over the course off the next day or so and we all have time to make space in our diaries for this. Then I made my way back to the station and thence to Harrogate which was a very straight forward journey and the journey to the hotel is largely downhill which was useful. Then I got some supplies from the little shop across the road and had a quiet afternoon resting before I see more family this evening.

The evening turned out to be an incredibly intense emotional experience. Firstly I met my nephew and his wife in a hotel bar just across the way from where I am staying and we had several drinks here. Then we repaired to a local fish restaurant which was nearby and which my relatives had wanted to patronise for a long time and not quite got round to it. We all had superbly good fish meals and shared lot of family background with each other which all four of us found fascinating and illuminating. Finally, we called back at my hotel and I managed to show my relatives some memorabilia of Meg which I particularly wanted them to see and we finished off with a spirits nightcap. So all in all, it was a most intense evening of remenisciencies which I would not have missed for all the world. We have seen so little of each other over the years that we all of us had a great deal to catch up on. I am hopeful that the wider family can come along to Worcestershire so that I can entertain them and the house is certainly large enough for us to have an excellent party. It could well be that in the years ahead, I visit Harrogate much more often than in the past and I hope that, for their part, they can be entertained in my house when they can take some vacations.

Wednesday, 18th June, 22025

[Day 1920]

Last night, perhaps because I was in a strange bed, I got up in the middle of the night and accessed some photos on my phone that I did not realise that I had as well as sending a couple of interesting health (diet) articles found on Huffpost to my son who could well be interested in these sorts of things. The room I have got at ‘The Crown’ at a very good price is excellent for my needs because besides the bed there is quite a large desk on which it is easy to put my laptop, Before today, I have tried balancing laptops on a wobbly suitcase and other improvised arrangements but my current setup is excellent. I am glad I brought an extension lead with me because I can also have uninterrupted bedside lights and kettles available to me as well. I slept fairly well in a strange bed, as it were, but I was up for a period in the middle of the night and looked at some photos I had forgotten I had which were stored on my phone. Yesterday was planned to be an interesting day because the husband of my niece was due to collect me at about 10.30 and then we are going to visit various places in Harrogate, not least the ‘Harlow Carr Gardens Show.’ famed throughout Harrogate and Yorkshire where we will almost certainly lunch before visiting my sister in the afternoon. I was contemplating the fact that I left Harrogate in 1963 when my mother, sister and I moved to Leeds (although it is fair to say that the population tends to move in the opposite directionI. I have decided not to have breakfast here in the hotel to keep my carb count down but when I enter the huge dining room I always have a rather a strange sensation because I am pretty convinced that after the hotel was requisitioned by the RAF and used as a kind of operational and planning headquarters, my mother probably worked there as a period and probably worked in the very room which is now the hotel’s dining room.

After I had breakfasted in my room, I popped over the road and acquired a newspaper in exchange for my voucher and then bought a small bag of clementines. Then, I enjoyed the morning sunshine until my nieces’s husband came at the appointed time and we made our way slowly to Harlow Carr gardens, made famous in the past as the natural habitat of the gardener, Geoffrey Smith. We enjoyed a very pleasant stroll through the gardens talking over family matters and finally stopping by for a coffee. Then it was time for a leisurely drive to Knaresborough where I came along to see my sister in her residential home. The home was very well appointed and had a pretty homely atmosphere and whilst no doubt being expensive, the whole home was evidently in a superior category. I was left along with my sister for about an hour and then we were joined by the wife of another nephew who just popped in to see us all. After I had discussed all aspects of Meg’s funeral with my elder sister, we arranged to meet again the following day. I had been given instructions how I could find the home again from the railway station and so I will visit again in the morning. Then I asked to be dropped off next to a little cafe that Meg and I used to frequent. When I got there, it was deserted but it is run by a Chinese family who will cook whatever you want for you during the day. Meg and I enjoyed this cade because although the furnishings and appearance seem somewhat basic, the food is of an excellent quality and I discovered from the staff that they had been operating there for about 30 years which is quite a long time these days. I had a king prawn ‘Foo Yung’ with some fried rice and iced tea and the quality was absolutely excellent with some of the best prawns (sweet and tasty) that I had had for a very long time. It was a simple walk down the hill to my hotel where I allowed myself a little rest on the bed. On the way down the hill, I could not resist buying a book on the Illustrated History of Cricket so I bought this for my nieces’s husband as, although he is family, I am sure that with his cricketing connections he would enjoy the book and it would give him hours of pleasure. I told him the story of how when I worked in the Old Swan Hotel in Harrogate, I served Fred Truman the famous English fast bowler with some beer and he had his left arm round a blonde and his right arm round a brunette. I am not sure to this day whether the sex in which he may have participated put him off his cricket or whether the cricket put him off his sex (although, of course, the two are not mutually exclusive) Later in the evening, my niece came round and we popped across the road to have a drink of the magnificent dark ale which is locally brewed. Naturally, we discussed a lot of family matters but a principal source of concern was how to maintain our health with judicious combinations of lifestyle, diet and exercise. Now that this generation of the family have reached a certain age i.e. our 50’s than some health issues are besetting all of us so we are trying, without being excessively neurotic about it, to do what we can to maintain our health whilst we can. Whilst in the pub, I received a phone call from a distant relative on Meg’s side of the family who expressed condolences and we promised to meet again as soon as practicable. The new few days are to be quite busy because in the morning I am going to catch the train to Knaresborough to see my sister again and in the evening am having a meal out with another nephew. On Thursday, I am to see another niece in the middle of the day and will dine out with another nephew in the evening. But in the course of my stay, I will have managed extensive conversations with each one of my sister’s four children which was, after all, the aim of my trip up to Yorkshire. On Friday, when I depart I am going to breakfast with the first niece and husband and then they are going to run me to the station where no doubt I can return home exhausted but happy.

Yesterday was the day of my trip up to Yorkshire to see my family and although I was pleased to have snatched conversations with them at the funeral last week, this is now the opportunity to make more sustained contact. I received a text from another nephew inviting me out to dine with him on Wednesday so I am now in the happy situation of being able to see not only my sister but at least three of my four nieces/nephews and I am sure I will find the opportunity to see the fourth in any case. I awoke quite early and allowed myself the luxury of an extra half hour in bed but the day has dawned as an absolutely glorious one. As the two friends I was with yesterday are also quite keen and regular patrons of Wetherspoons (as I am after the closure of the café in Waitrose), they were teasing me that they are going to introduce me to a lively (female) acquaintance of theirs who they reckon can talk for England and who they think may be good for me – I have my hands too full at the moment to think of things like that. The remainder of the packing has yet to be completed but the laptop I am currently using will come with me so that I can carry on completing the blog each day. On the train journey, when I have some reflection time, I can no doubt think of a suitable choice of words to go on the brass plate which I intend to purchase and affixed to the Pier Head section of the pier at Clevedon which we visited yesterday and to which our friend had taken us on at least two occasions when we could get Meg into a car. I have to say that time is rushing by so quickly at the moment that I can scarcely believe that it is over five weeks since Meg’s death but I am relieved that with the assistance of our superb domestic help, various articles of clothing such as shoes and outdoor coats which would have been in an accessible place in our hall have now been despatched to other places and I have not had the actual wrench of throwing them away myself. Grief is such a very individual thing but I feel that I am managing this part of my life quite successfully. However, after I return from Yorkshire the intense social activity of the past few months and weeks will diminish sharply but I am plugged into one or two things to improve my state of health and, of course, I can resume my daily walks down into town where I am always warmly greeted by the Waitrose staff who know me. Upon my return, I have a mass of wonderful things that have been said about Meg in emails, texts and condolence cards so I intend to garner the rest of these and out them on the website so that they will have a more permanent rather than transient nature. I am so pleased that I put my eulogy for web in an accessible piece of webspace because so many people who knew Meg but could not attend the funeral have had the opportunity for a quick résumé of Meg’s life and the impact that I felt she made upon the world. My Seasoned World Traveller friend read the eulogy and he was particularly struck by the figure of over 700 paid placements into which Meg placed students as a placement tutor which marked her out as not just another university academic.

I had some fascinating travelling companions from Birmingham to as far as Sheffield. My principal companion was an academic now retired who had supervised PhD dissertations in Politics and International Relations at Nene College, Northampton and she also had an interest in Research Methods. We were joined by a chap, now retired who worked as a researcher for several County Councils so we all had quite a lot in common. When the lady academic left the train at Sheffield her place was taken by a children’s nurse specialising in oncology and on her way to a conference in Edinburgh. So the time absolutely flew by and then onto Leeds where the Harrogate train left from the most obscure of platforms (3B which you had to reach by walking to the end of 2B) and the train seemed surprisingly full. Then it was just a short taxi ride to the hotel where I quickly got unpacked and even the laptop found the internet connection by itself. I did discover, though, that I had forgotten to pack some of my medication so I sent an urgent text to my son who will be posting some tomorrow and of the two pills I can get a commercial alternative from the chemists tomorrow and I may be able to cadge the other from family members! Just before 5.00pm I popped out to the shop which I know is just across the road and bought some breakfast supplied and then my niece cane along to see me promptly at 5.00pm. We popped out of the hotel into a neighbouring, practically deserted pub that specialised in good ales and I enjoyed a fascinating pint of an award-winning Harrogate mild. We had a wonderful hour and a half in each other’s company and then my niece went home only to return with a supply of some pills which I had forgotten to bring with me. Then as we had so many family matters to discuss, we carried talking and talking until practically 11.00am at which point my niece really had to return home to her family. We had all kinds of family matters to discuss which we did in great detail as well as catching up on matters theological and practical. Apart from Meg’s death, there was a lot of ground for us to catch up on and my niece and I were more than happy to chew the fat right throughout the evening. Tomorrow, her husband who is a retired headteacher of some note is going to escort me around various places and we are due to visit my sister in her residential home which I have not yet had the opportunity to visit.

I am starting to think ahead to my forthcoming trip to Yorkshire and all my train tickets and hotel reservations are in place. On the day that I arrive, my niece is coming to see me for a cup of tea in the late afternoon and the following day her husband is due to shepherd me around. I recently received a text as well from another nephew and he has invited me round for a meal on the Thursday. I had not fully realised, and neither had he, that one of the best photographs taken of Meg and which we had cropped to form the principal photograph on the ‘Order of Service’ was actually taken in our lounge when he and his wife, plus son, came to visit us years ago. The night before I had pinged several texts with my friend, an Asian lady who used to just live down the road but has now moved to Droitwich. We have kept in touch during the depths of the winter both not liking the intense cold we experienced in the depths of the winter. When I looked back over the texts we had exchanged over the years, I found a photo taken of us four years ago and on the photo was my friend and her aunt in the foreground but myself and Meg in the background. This photo had been sent to us but had never been added to our main collection and so was a pleasant surprise. We intend to meet up for a good ‘catch up’ session when I get back from Yorkshire because we have both had a lot happening in our lives and she, in particular, had had to fly back to South Africa during the winter to arrange some packages of care for her mother.

Later in the morning, I was picked up by my University of Birmingham friend together with Seasoned World Traveller (all partakers of coffee in Wetherspoons) and we were transported to Cleveden which is a delightful Victorian resort south of Bristol and overlooking the Bristol Channel. When we got there at 11.00am our favourite coffee place was absolutely teeming and we had to wait for several minutes before we could get a coffee. After our refreshment, we had a stroll along the very well preserved pier (said by the poet John Betjeman to be ‘the loveliest pier in England’) In order to finance its upkeep and maintenance, the pier authorities will sell you a variety of brass plaques and this is then affixed to various parts of the pier as a memorial to a loved one. I have decided to have a plate engraved for Meg and affixed to the Pier Head but I will wait until I return from Yorkshire to get this organised and paid for. I bought a membership ticket which will last for 12 months and, no doubt, I will visit the pier several times (as will my son and daughter-in-law who have just discovered Cleveden). Then we returned to our favourite cafe for a superb lunch and lots of good conversation before it was time to return home. No sooner had I got through the door when my phone rang and it was of the Waitrose partners who I know very well and who had come to the funeral last Wednesday. Knowing that I was to make a train journey on Monday, my friend and I had agreed that he should take possession of some Waitrose sandwiches which had reached the end of their shelf life and would have been thrown away. So I was the grateful recipient of five different sorts of sandwiches which will easily be sufficient both for the journey tomorrow and also to provide an evening repast once I have had tea with my niece in the late afternoon. The next task is to pack suitcase for myself but I am determined to travel light and not to burden myself with unnecessary baggage and so a travelling kettle will not be packed because I am pretty sure that one will be provided in the hotel bedroom. It is a long time since I packed an overnight bag for myself but when I was travelling all over the place to attend conferences at which I was delivering a paper (to form part of my PhD), this was a routine occurrence for me so I am sure I can do it again with the barest of essentials. When I return from Yorkshire, I may have quite a busy social life. There are two couples from different walks off life who I intend to invite around to share a meal with me so I need to think what else to cook as well as a proverbial fish pie and I have a potential meeting for coffee lined up as well. At this rate, I may need to pace myself to make sure that I do not get over-enthusiastic with the issuing of invitations. In the meantime, I am continuing to receive messages of condolence and support from a variety of people to whom I have sent a copy of the eulogy delivered for Meg for those who could not attend the service. This was largely a ‘paste’ job as I sent the same link to a variety of people in the ‘Contacts’ section of my iphone. Even so, there are people like the elderly Irish couple who are friends of friends and who we used to see in the park but the message has only just reached them. But after five weeks, I am pretty sure that everyone who needs to know has been informed by one means or another.

Apart from the hot shooting war between Israel and Iran, the news of the political assassinations in the United States is genuinely shocking The Minnesota state representative Melissa Hortman and her husband were killed in the attack at their property by a man posing as a police officer and he was equipped with a car with flashing lights as if a genuine police car and the assassin also carried a police badge and a taser. State senator John Hoffman and his wife were also shot in their home but are expected to survive. The senator, according to officials, is in a stable condition after emergency surgery. What is particularly ironic about the dead representative is that she had recently voted with Republicans to deny health care benefits to some groups of immigrants in order that legislation should be passed,

Now it is two days since Meg’s funeral, I have taken the opportunity to circulate the URL of the website containing the Eulogy which I delivered in the church. This means that for those who couldn’t make the church service, they can still read a short account of Meg’s life and have something other than a photograph to remember her by. With modern phones, it is so easy just to put a finger in the ‘Message’ space to paste a link and I have been right through my phone to do this so my message has been spread far and wide. I did this to a friend and near neighbour of ours who lives in Hampshire and she also clicked the Tributes link and discovered what her own children had written to me (and she had no idea about it) I am hoping that if they journey North on a holiday that we might all meet up again and exchange good news of past times. Without wanting to sound excessively morbid or self-obsessed about all of this, I did find a website under the title ‘Finding Comfort in Words: Popular Quotes about Grief’ and I must say that I have found the contributions quite helpful. A common theme throughout many of the quotes is that grief is just the flip side of love, best expressed pithily by our late departed Queen in the profound quote that ‘grief is the price we pay for love’. I have just received some amazing emails and one, in particular from one of my female ex University of Winchester colleagues. She explained how wonderful she found the music and how much she had enjoyed the service overall and the rest of the day when in the evening we drank champagne and told each other stories before having a meal together. I must say that I had not been looking forward to the day of the funeral but now it is all over, it is absolutely the case that having a magnificent send off for Meg in a ‘Celebration of Life’ event does great things for the alleviation of the grieving process. A final thought on all of this is the amazing contribution that our domestic help is making in all of this. Week by week, things get cleared that would act as reminders of Meg and are in fact, clutter, so a lot of shoes have been removed from the shoe rack in the hall, as well as outdoor coats from the clothes rack we have underneath the stairs in our hall. Not only does this remove what is clutter but it helps in the therapeutic process as well. I would go as far to say that it takes a good family friend to assist you in all of this as the grieving person has a little too much emotional attachment to be able to do it efficiently. Often this is another family member, of course, but I am delighted I/we are getting on with this job sooner rather than later.

In the morning, I walked down into town and met up with two of my normal Wetherspoon’s friends. Then we were joined by my University of Birmingham friend so after I had taken coffee with my normal Saturday group, I continued with my University of Birmingham friend and Seasoned World Traveller with whom I used to have intense quasi political/philosophical discussions in the park during the dark COVID days. With Meg being unable to participate in these discussions and my needing to get her home, we have not had the opportunity to have these types of discussion for a couple of years now so we made up for it this morning. In fact, we are probably all going to out for the day as a threesome on Sunday morning where no doubt we will continue to argue and to discuss. I have also been in contact with an Asian lady from South Africa who used to live around the corner but has now moved to Droitwich. We have kept in touch and will probably meet up for a coffee and/or a drink when I get back from Yorkshire next Friday.

For lunch I threw together some stir-fry vegetables, add some remains of ham and then turned the whole into a curry, most of which I ate but some of which for later on in the day. After lunch, once I had had a bit of a rest I decided to give the front lawns a cut. To be honest, they did not really need it but I like to keep up the routine but the grass is past its rapid growth spurt and we have not had a lot of rain to encourage it to grow. On Saturday evenings, I generally go to church and after my local church had done us proud for Meg’s funeral celebrations so I thought it important that I go this weekend As soon as I stepped out of the door, I realised that I had no car,(the car having been returned to Motability) so I phoned up my local taxi form and got a taxi at a reasonable price that arrived within 5 minutes. After the service, my eucharistic minister/organist parishioner and her husband gave me a lift home and they themselves were looking forward to a week away in Portugal starting next Tuesday. I returned home and finished off the curry which I followed by some ice cream and then prepared for an early night as I may have quite a busy day tomorrow. Last night in the middle of the night I saw a fascinating podcast between Rory Stewart and Alastair Campbell and their broadcasts, although late at night, are well informed and fascinating. They were both of the view that the Iranians pummelled by the Israelis and let down by the Americans who were supposedly organising peace talks were pushed into a corner. These analysts thought that the Iranians could now go out to develop a nuclear weapon as this was the only way to counteract the overarching power of the Israeli military. So suddenly, the world is a much more dangerous place and a nuclear confrontation has moved several notches closer.

Yesterday my alarm woke me at 6.00am but I turned over and promptly went back to sleep again for another one hour and a half which I must have needed. These days I have received a flood of sympathy cards as well as the more immediate text messages. One sympathy card was especially heartwarming and, so much so, that I am going to incorporate some of the sentences into the tributes page for Meg which will slowly be augmented as messages arrive. This particular word was from a young lady who is now in her 30;s but was only 4 years old when we first moved to Hampshire which was nearly twenty eight years ago. Meg and I acted as surrogate grandparents to the two delightful children who lived 2-3 doors away and the youngsters popped around almost ever day because their parents knew that they safe with us and their own grandparents lived in Devon which was more than 100. miles away. In the card, the now grown up young woman had written of Meg that ‘she was in credible woman who had an impact on many, including us… Mike, we struck gold ad children when we had you and Meg as our surrogate/local grandparents and that is something we will forever be grateful for’ One has to say that that is one of the most heartwarming and touching tributes it is possible evert to receive and I hope we can meet up again fairly soon to reestablish relationships. On the afternoon of the day of funeral, I had organised a hardback book in which people can write a sentence or so and this, too, is so heartwarming. In fact, I have just read a card from one of Meg’s carers which reads as follows. ‘I feel privileged to say that I used to care for Meg – she was a lovely lady and just a special lady in. my eyes from her smiling at me when calling her to reaching to hold my hand. I will never forget her, never.’

This morning, I needed to call in at the local branch of my bank which, fortunately, still has a presence of the High Street. I needed to p[ay in. cheque actually made out to Meg but a refund of some of the deposit made on our now returned Motability vehicle. Altogether, I was in the bank for 30 minutes first waiting for some 10 minutes for the assistant to see me. Fortunately, it was the same person who helped me to close down Meg’s account about a month or so ago now, so I was relieved about that. The assistant found a dormant account some thirty years old with about £25.00 in it, evidently dating from the days when one only had passbooks so eventually, this money will wing its way over to me and that will take several days but it took three signatures and a photocopy of my driving licence and my passport to get this transaction concluded. After I had concluded my business at the bank, I went to have coffee in the Methodist Centre which Meg and I used to frequent when I could Meg into a car but not at all for the last year. But the coffee centre was all locked up today- perhaps it is a closure because of the imminence of the summer holidays. So after this, I wandered slowly down the High Street and decided to go into ‘The Lemon Tree’ cafe to which I managed to push Meg for about six months before she died. the cafe is run by an Italian lady and her daughters and we knew each other slightly as we both attend the same Catholic church. As soon as I entered, I was embraced and consoled for my loss because the cafe owners had read about Meg’s death and funeral in the parish newsletter. I treated myself to some home made cake and coffee and then made my way down to Waitrose and texted my son who came to pick me up to save my legs or a journey up the hill When I go home, made myself a salad lunch and had a little doze afterwards before I got myself ready to give the back lawns a cut, which I did a bit later in the afternoon.. Then I thought I would make a ritual call to the Teachers’ Pensions Agency to see if thy had received my application for a continuation of a portion of Meg’s pension (which is sorely needed). I as greeted with he by now familiar news that the computer system was ‘down’ but I nonetheless persisted. Then I received the pleasant news that my application form had been received and was being processed. A letter had been sent to me which was kindly read out to me. The import of this was that the calculation of the benefit was being reviewed in the light of recent Court judgements and this might delay things somewhat but I am very relieved that the application gas been received and some action is being taken on it.

The news media late yesterday evening was switching between major, televisual, news stories. The first of these was the horrendous plane crash in India where more than 240 [passengers and crew died but absolutely remarkably, one British citizen walked out of the plane crash alive and what appear to be superficial injuries. The other major news story is documenting the way in which the Israelis have finally decided, with or without American knowledge to ‘take out’ or at least severely degrade nuclear facilities in Iran It also appears that top military chiefs and even nuclear scientists have been targeted and many of them killed. For their part, the Iranians have started to retaliate but is is likely that all, or nearly all of their drones have been successfully intercepted by the Israelis. But now the Iranians are launching full scale. missiles and this may the start of several days of ‘tit-for-tat’ as Israel and Iran trade blows with each other. Almost inevitably, one wonders how this is going to end but no doubt the Israeli military strategists have taken the view that both countries may inflict damage upon the other but the Israelis must be calculating that they can inflict more damage upon Iran than Iran can upon Israel.

Yesterday morning I awoke early and instead of going back to bed and having a more extended sleep, I got up and busied myself with some tidying up activities, for example putting away the photographs which were atop Meg’s coffin and which were then transported to the hotel’s memorabilia table. The day today is generally allocated to shopping but I had a reasonable supply of things in stock and I am going away next Monday so I probably do not need to shop at all once I have assured myself that we have the bare essentials. My son called round and then our Spanish friend arrived because we had promised to take her to the railway station so that she can get to the airport midday and catch a flight back to Madrid. We both expressed to her our profound gratitude that not only had our friend dropped everything to be at Meg’s deathbed and managed to be with her an hour and a half before her death but came over for the funeral. Afterwards my son and I paid a quick call to Morrisons so that I could use the ATM ad we both wished to buy a single item from within the store. Afterwards, my son dropped me off outside my Italian friend who I had arranged to see in the later part of the morning. She had texted me because she had to dash off at the start of the afternoon to look after her sister who was having an asthma attack and needed some care and support. To make matters a little worse, her own brother who was in his 90’s had died very recently and the date of his funeral coincided with that of Meg’s. I spent over an hour with my friend and we mainly talking about grieving strategies and the ways of coping with the loss of a loved one after over half a century of marriage (in both of our cases, as it happens) Then I walked home but the weather was a distinct change to the day before and had turned rather showery. I was faced with the task of cooking a dinner for myself when I did not feel particularly hungry but I took a ham and cheese pastry out of the freezer and microwaved this with some microwavable vegetables for speed. Having been up for so early, I did not feel very bright eyed or bushy tailed and had to force myself to some tidying up jobs. I then thought I would try to access the Teachers Pensions Agency as my application of continuation of pension, complete with death certificate and marriage certificate, has been lodged with them for practically three weeks without as much as a simple acknowledgement . But their systems were ‘down’ and I was asked to try them again in a hour’s time when they hope they may get their IT system fixed (but personally I am not hopeful) As the sun has come out in the late afternoon, I am trying to ‘train myself’ to always get some fresh air and sunshine whilst I can, as the longest day is only nine days away. The next few days, not to mention the next three weeks, are going to a little difficult for me as I have to learn to manage without a car and the town centre suddenly appears to be a bit more distant for me.

I appreciate that now Meg’s funeral is over, there will be quite a period of readjustment. Before she died, she was having carers call four times a day and so the house seemed quite busy and, of course, there was always a chat with the carers. Even after her death nearly five weeks ago, there was a lot to be done and to be organised and, even if the house was not busy with visitors as such, there were a lot of messages, emails and telephone calls to be dealt with. and so naturally I was kept busy with this and there were always the photographs to be sorted through and analysed, But now, of course it will be an intensely quiet period for me and so I am relieved that I booked the opportunity to go away and see my Yorkshire relatives for some more extended discussions and family time. So the next three days will be quiet but I am determined to go out and see people on each day between now and Monday when I go away. One stand out feature of yesterday was the role played by Martin’s best friend who I have met on railway tips in the past. Martin’s friend, on hearing of Meg’s death, immediately said he come and attend the funeral to support Martin in his hour of need. We used him as an MC to help to marshal the guests whilst the immediate family were at the crematorium yesterday and he did a really magnificent job in performing the little admin tasks which we had asked him to do in our absence. In fact, he was more than happy to be engaged in such tasks. But as he and my son look quite alike and have both lost their hair, then more than distant relative who we have not seen my son for decades got the two of them mixed up with other so Martin’s friend had to discreetly point out that the to the true objects of their expressions of sympathy. I am going to write him a fulsome email of thanks and appreciation later on in the day. To complete my tale of woe with the Teachers Pensions Agency their system was still ‘down’ when I phoned up as advised an hour later. This means that a huge backlog of unanswered queries will no doubt have built up with no increase of staff to deal with them so I fear that whatever delays and frustration caused by the delays can only grow and grow. In the late afternoon, I had a video call with my sister who I am going to see in a few days time and gave her a blow-by-blow account of bow things had gone yesterday and then I am going to slot into my evening routine which is to watch the 6.00pm news and then prepare a light tea for myself.

And so the day finally dawned yesterday, after a wait of four and half weeks, for the final rites to be said in Meg’s funeral. In some ways, it seems an incredibly long period of time since Meg left us but in other ways, the time has absolutely flown by. The day was to be very much the day of two halves as it were, with the solemnity (I trust) of a Catholic Mass which Meg absolutely wanted, to be followed after the committal at the crematorium by the jollier afternoon tea party where I expect the mood to be so much lighter in tone. I am very conscious that so many people will be having to make long journeys of which the greatest is our dear friend from Madrid who again, as at the time of Meg’s death, is making the journey to be by Meg’s side. The eulogy which is to be delivered in the five minute slot allocated to it has been rehearsed for countless times (to improve the intonation, emphasis, breathing etc.) Two very much last minute items are going to be brought along this morning to adorn Meg’s coffin if the undertakers are in agreement. The first is the absolutely stunning photo of Meg taken as a staff photo taken in about 1980 when she would have been about 33 years of age (before her birthday in October later in the year) I have pressed into use a frame which had been used for our Spanish god-daughter as a young girl but now used for Meg. The other artefact will be three or four deep red roses freshly harvested on the day of Meg’s funeral from our own back garden and with an accompanying card. On a similar theme, Meg and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary in the Hotel Hesperia in Santiago de Compestela, Northern Spain. On the day of the celebrations, Meg and I evidently turned up in plenty of time to make sure that all of the preparations had been correctly done and we went to inspect the room where our meal was to be held. The whole room was decorated with a most wonderful the kinds of flowers that would typically grace an English garden. One of the waitresses who we knew particularly well could not attend on the day of our celebrations but had picked a whole selection of flowers from her own, English style garden and, at her own expense and time used these to decorate the whole of the room where the meal was to be held. As it happens, I remember this day particularly well and it stands out in my memory. We had arranged with the hotel management that we would have a little welcome gathering in a reception room adjacent to our dining room where we were to make some introductory speeches. As I remember, Meg did the welcoming part in Spanish whilst I did a parallel thing in English as we had a mixture of both Spanish family/friends and some of my own family who had made the journey to Santiago to help us celebrate. The hotel management had been asked to supply a few ‘entrantes’ or starter bits to whet the appetite but this was so extensive and abundant that my English family thought that that this was to be the main repast of the day instead of just a starter. Then another highlight of the day was the visit about two thirds of the way through the meal of what are called the ‘Tunas Universitarias’ These are music students, often post graduates who are attired in mediaeval garb and come along to play (with an accompanying guitars, lute, tambur) and all with fine singing voices. They then perform the kinds of Spanish songs that all Spanish people of whatever class or generation will know well and they all join heartily in the singing. One such song is ‘Cielito Lindo’ meaning ‘sweetheart’ and is a popular Mexican folk song often known as the ‘Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay song’. It’s a classic melody with lyrics about love and beauty. The song’s refrain, ‘Ay, ay, ay, ay! Canta y no llores,’ is widely recognised, encouraging people to sing instead of to cry. The song has a rich history and is often performed by various artists , including André Rieu and in Mexico, where it is often associated with celebrations and festivals. If this song were to be played to an English audience (don’t tempt me) the tune would probably be known as the song recorded by Alma Cogan in 1957 whose English title was ‘You, Me and Us – We are my favourite people’

So we turned up for the funeral service scheduled to start at 12.00 but we were there 50 minutes beforehand. As often happens on these occasions, those who had travelled the furthest (i.e. from Yorkshire, Hampshire) actually arrived before anybody else but the courtyard before the church soon filled up with family, neighbours, three of the young care workers who cared for Meg so brilliantly and even two of the Waitrose staff and an Admiral nurse with a total congregation of about 50. When the coffin arrived, there was a stunning display adorning the coffin of deep red roses much bigger and better than I could possibly have imagined. In fact the officiating priest had to ask early in the Mass that the roses be removed in order to accommodate a bible and a crucifix to be placed on the coffin. The service was almost flawless and the singing superb particularly from the husband of the Eucharistic minister. I managed to get through the Euology without bursting into tears and went off script a little by adding to the end ‘And so Meg – Sunshine – hasta la vista’ and and the congregation responded with a ripple of applause. The service was absolutely everything that Meg could have possibly wished for and I thought it was superb – in fact the best funeral I have ever attended. Our choices of music seemed to be appreciated by the congregation as well. Then we had to journey to the crematorium which was a little tortuous because some of the nearby roads were blocked off but the committal at the crematorium was simple, dignified and beautiful in its own way. It had had a humorous moment in it as well because upon leaving I bent to kiss Meg’s coffin and put my hand upon it whereupon it moved several inches on a transport belt. It looked as though I was giving Meg a final shove into the future and we all saw the funny side of this.

The afternoon proceedings were joyous. I gave my account of numerous humorous incidents from Meg’s life which I hoped nobody had heard before. After a glass of champagne, three very moving tributes followed which was just about the right number – one from our ex Erasmus student and life long friend who had flown in from Madrid, one from a University of Winchester colleague and the final one from a De Montfort university colleague and friend who came to visit Meg when she forced to retire. This was followed by yet another toast in champagne after which people started to drift away but I stayed on drinking champagne and talking with ex-colleagues who were staying overnight in the hotel and our Madrid friend. We did this until the restaurant had nearly closed and then six of us went off to have a meal and more animated conversation. Although it sounds a very strange thing to say, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Meg either would be/is thrilled with every part of the day and one could not have wished for a more perfect day. Although there must have been some tears, I think there were tears of happiness as much as sorrow. My thoughts about the final farewells to Meg were that it was a most wonderful and fitting tribute at the end of her life and I can only look back on it with the most wonderful memories of Meg and the funeral day itself.

The day dawned yesterday and it seemed dull and gloomy to boot. According to the weather forecasts, the day should be quite bright and sunny but we have not got off to a very auspicious start. We had a flurry of last minute preparations to ensure that we had some ‘bidding prayers’ which are also known as prayers of intercession or universal prayers, are a form of prayer where a leader or minister invites the congregation to pray for specific needs and intentions. They are often used in liturgical services, such as the Catholic Mass, and engage the community in a shared prayer experience. I need not have panicked, though, because these had already been written and are to be passed onto a friend of a friend who often reads the bidding prayers at church in our normal Saturday service. In any event, I discovered the ’10 most used bidding prayers used in Catholic funerals’so I have downloaded these as a backup in case anything goes awry tomorrow and adapted them accordingly by inserting Meg’s name. This is all ‘belt and braces’ stuff but it will make me feel a little more reassured against things going wrong. Our domestic help is due to call around today and she is very kindly making sure that I have a freshly laundered and ironed shirt and the appropriate black tie. Incidentally, I have no strong feelings about people wearing black for a funeral and if some want to turn up in their every day clothes, this is fine by me. Our domestic help is going to wear Meg’s favourite colour as a mark of respect and this gesture is of course appreciated. Our domestic help called around yesterday one earlier than usual as Wednesday will be taken up with the funeral rites. After an extended chat with her and with my son who had called round, my son gave me a lift down into town and there I want to visit Wetherspoons. Rather unusually, none of my usual Tuesday companions were there although last Saturday they did indicate that they might have other commitments this week. As I made my way up the hill, having collected my newspaper, I received a most welcome phone call from my Irish friend inviting in for coffee. I was delighted to see my friend because after the operation he had last week, he had experienced two really rough nights of discomfort which were so severe they phoned the hospital where the operation had been performed for advice. But I was delighted to receive the news that after this setback, my friend seemed set to be set for recovery. I took pleasure in showing them the website where I had posted the ‘classic images’ I had discovered of Meg taken when she was in her early 30’s and before afflictions started to strike her- one photograph in particular is so good I may have it blown up and made into a more permanent display. I stayed with our friends for about half an hour after which I came home, changed into my Pilates jogging trousers and my son ran me down the hill for my Pilates class. This was full of laughter and good humour as it often is after which my son very kindly collected me to bring me home. I would normally have used the car but, of course, it has been taken back by Motability so I am having to get used to a car-less experience for a few weeks. After I got home, I lunched on some mackerel which I had on a slice of rye bread enhanced by some beetroot and tomato and this was certainly filling enough for a main midday meal.

After lunch, the weather had brightened up a fair deal so I took the opportunity to cut the grass at the front of the house. This used to be quite difficult when I had do one half of a cut and then rush inside to see that Meg was OK but now I cut it one way, reward myself with a chocolate ice-cream and then cut the grass in a transverse direction. Whilst I still had the car, I had taken the opportunity during the last few years to get a gallon of premium petrol to which I add some fuel stabiliser to counteract the effect of the water absorbing properties of ethanol which is added to the normal i.e. non-premium petrol these days. Then I permitted myself a quick tea of some ice-cream and then settled down to watch the England-Senegal football game, about which more later. At some time during the first half, the doorbell rang and it was my wonderful Welsh neighbour who came round with a bottle of amontillado sherry to perform a celebratory toast for Meg. Now my neighbour is a really good neighbour and is always ‘watching out for me’ and occasionally brings me food from the garden centre establishment where she works. Well, my neighbour and I have a lot to chat over with each other but have not had much opportunity since I have been so preoccupied with looking after Meg. But now, I suspect that we are going to see a lot more of each other which bodes very well for the immediate future, particularly as we both intend to stay here for several years. My neighbour has seen me caring for Meg over the years and gradually getting more and more worn down in the process but is not unhappy that Meg died peacefully at home and that my own health has not been irrevocably ruined whilst caring for her. Our neighbour is insistent that she wants to come to the crematorium with us tomorrow and I am sure will be a massive support of support and comfort to me in the few months and years ahead. Now to return to the football match, which I started watching but abandoned when my neighbour called round. After she had left, I looked at the TV and Senegal had beaten England 3-1 which is the first time that the England team have been beaten by an African team. England had previously struggled with to a 1-0 win over the lowly Andorra and so the performance of the English team over the last two games is adjudged to be absolutely dire.