Yesterday was the day of my trip up to Yorkshire to see my family and although I was pleased to have snatched conversations with them at the funeral last week, this is now the opportunity to make more sustained contact. I received a text from another nephew inviting me out to dine with him on Wednesday so I am now in the happy situation of being able to see not only my sister but at least three of my four nieces/nephews and I am sure I will find the opportunity to see the fourth in any case. I awoke quite early and allowed myself the luxury of an extra half hour in bed but the day has dawned as an absolutely glorious one. As the two friends I was with yesterday are also quite keen and regular patrons of Wetherspoons (as I am after the closure of the café in Waitrose), they were teasing me that they are going to introduce me to a lively (female) acquaintance of theirs who they reckon can talk for England and who they think may be good for me – I have my hands too full at the moment to think of things like that. The remainder of the packing has yet to be completed but the laptop I am currently using will come with me so that I can carry on completing the blog each day. On the train journey, when I have some reflection time, I can no doubt think of a suitable choice of words to go on the brass plate which I intend to purchase and affixed to the Pier Head section of the pier at Clevedon which we visited yesterday and to which our friend had taken us on at least two occasions when we could get Meg into a car. I have to say that time is rushing by so quickly at the moment that I can scarcely believe that it is over five weeks since Meg’s death but I am relieved that with the assistance of our superb domestic help, various articles of clothing such as shoes and outdoor coats which would have been in an accessible place in our hall have now been despatched to other places and I have not had the actual wrench of throwing them away myself. Grief is such a very individual thing but I feel that I am managing this part of my life quite successfully. However, after I return from Yorkshire the intense social activity of the past few months and weeks will diminish sharply but I am plugged into one or two things to improve my state of health and, of course, I can resume my daily walks down into town where I am always warmly greeted by the Waitrose staff who know me. Upon my return, I have a mass of wonderful things that have been said about Meg in emails, texts and condolence cards so I intend to garner the rest of these and out them on the website so that they will have a more permanent rather than transient nature. I am so pleased that I put my eulogy for web in an accessible piece of webspace because so many people who knew Meg but could not attend the funeral have had the opportunity for a quick résumé of Meg’s life and the impact that I felt she made upon the world. My Seasoned World Traveller friend read the eulogy and he was particularly struck by the figure of over 700 paid placements into which Meg placed students as a placement tutor which marked her out as not just another university academic.

I had some fascinating travelling companions from Birmingham to as far as Sheffield. My principal companion was an academic now retired who had supervised PhD dissertations in Politics and International Relations at Nene College, Northampton and she also had an interest in Research Methods. We were joined by a chap, now retired who worked as a researcher for several County Councils so we all had quite a lot in common. When the lady academic left the train at Sheffield her place was taken by a children’s nurse specialising in oncology and on her way to a conference in Edinburgh. So the time absolutely flew by and then onto Leeds where the Harrogate train left from the most obscure of platforms (3B which you had to reach by walking to the end of 2B) and the train seemed surprisingly full. Then it was just a short taxi ride to the hotel where I quickly got unpacked and even the laptop found the internet connection by itself. I did discover, though, that I had forgotten to pack some of my medication so I sent an urgent text to my son who will be posting some tomorrow and of the two pills I can get a commercial alternative from the chemists tomorrow and I may be able to cadge the other from family members! Just before 5.00pm I popped out to the shop which I know is just across the road and bought some breakfast supplied and then my niece cane along to see me promptly at 5.00pm. We popped out of the hotel into a neighbouring, practically deserted pub that specialised in good ales and I enjoyed a fascinating pint of an award-winning Harrogate mild. We had a wonderful hour and a half in each other’s company and then my niece went home only to return with a supply of some pills which I had forgotten to bring with me. Then as we had so many family matters to discuss, we carried talking and talking until practically 11.00am at which point my niece really had to return home to her family. We had all kinds of family matters to discuss which we did in great detail as well as catching up on matters theological and practical. Apart from Meg’s death, there was a lot of ground for us to catch up on and my niece and I were more than happy to chew the fat right throughout the evening. Tomorrow, her husband who is a retired headteacher of some note is going to escort me around various places and we are due to visit my sister in her residential home which I have not yet had the opportunity to visit.

I am starting to think ahead to my forthcoming trip to Yorkshire and all my train tickets and hotel reservations are in place. On the day that I arrive, my niece is coming to see me for a cup of tea in the late afternoon and the following day her husband is due to shepherd me around. I recently received a text as well from another nephew and he has invited me round for a meal on the Thursday. I had not fully realised, and neither had he, that one of the best photographs taken of Meg and which we had cropped to form the principal photograph on the ‘Order of Service’ was actually taken in our lounge when he and his wife, plus son, came to visit us years ago. The night before I had pinged several texts with my friend, an Asian lady who used to just live down the road but has now moved to Droitwich. We have kept in touch during the depths of the winter both not liking the intense cold we experienced in the depths of the winter. When I looked back over the texts we had exchanged over the years, I found a photo taken of us four years ago and on the photo was my friend and her aunt in the foreground but myself and Meg in the background. This photo had been sent to us but had never been added to our main collection and so was a pleasant surprise. We intend to meet up for a good ‘catch up’ session when I get back from Yorkshire because we have both had a lot happening in our lives and she, in particular, had had to fly back to South Africa during the winter to arrange some packages of care for her mother.

Later in the morning, I was picked up by my University of Birmingham friend together with Seasoned World Traveller (all partakers of coffee in Wetherspoons) and we were transported to Cleveden which is a delightful Victorian resort south of Bristol and overlooking the Bristol Channel. When we got there at 11.00am our favourite coffee place was absolutely teeming and we had to wait for several minutes before we could get a coffee. After our refreshment, we had a stroll along the very well preserved pier (said by the poet John Betjeman to be ‘the loveliest pier in England’) In order to finance its upkeep and maintenance, the pier authorities will sell you a variety of brass plaques and this is then affixed to various parts of the pier as a memorial to a loved one. I have decided to have a plate engraved for Meg and affixed to the Pier Head but I will wait until I return from Yorkshire to get this organised and paid for. I bought a membership ticket which will last for 12 months and, no doubt, I will visit the pier several times (as will my son and daughter-in-law who have just discovered Cleveden). Then we returned to our favourite cafe for a superb lunch and lots of good conversation before it was time to return home. No sooner had I got through the door when my phone rang and it was of the Waitrose partners who I know very well and who had come to the funeral last Wednesday. Knowing that I was to make a train journey on Monday, my friend and I had agreed that he should take possession of some Waitrose sandwiches which had reached the end of their shelf life and would have been thrown away. So I was the grateful recipient of five different sorts of sandwiches which will easily be sufficient both for the journey tomorrow and also to provide an evening repast once I have had tea with my niece in the late afternoon. The next task is to pack suitcase for myself but I am determined to travel light and not to burden myself with unnecessary baggage and so a travelling kettle will not be packed because I am pretty sure that one will be provided in the hotel bedroom. It is a long time since I packed an overnight bag for myself but when I was travelling all over the place to attend conferences at which I was delivering a paper (to form part of my PhD), this was a routine occurrence for me so I am sure I can do it again with the barest of essentials. When I return from Yorkshire, I may have quite a busy social life. There are two couples from different walks off life who I intend to invite around to share a meal with me so I need to think what else to cook as well as a proverbial fish pie and I have a potential meeting for coffee lined up as well. At this rate, I may need to pace myself to make sure that I do not get over-enthusiastic with the issuing of invitations. In the meantime, I am continuing to receive messages of condolence and support from a variety of people to whom I have sent a copy of the eulogy delivered for Meg for those who could not attend the service. This was largely a ‘paste’ job as I sent the same link to a variety of people in the ‘Contacts’ section of my iphone. Even so, there are people like the elderly Irish couple who are friends of friends and who we used to see in the park but the message has only just reached them. But after five weeks, I am pretty sure that everyone who needs to know has been informed by one means or another.

Apart from the hot shooting war between Israel and Iran, the news of the political assassinations in the United States is genuinely shocking The Minnesota state representative Melissa Hortman and her husband were killed in the attack at their property by a man posing as a police officer and he was equipped with a car with flashing lights as if a genuine police car and the assassin also carried a police badge and a taser. State senator John Hoffman and his wife were also shot in their home but are expected to survive. The senator, according to officials, is in a stable condition after emergency surgery. What is particularly ironic about the dead representative is that she had recently voted with Republicans to deny health care benefits to some groups of immigrants in order that legislation should be passed,

Now it is two days since Meg’s funeral, I have taken the opportunity to circulate the URL of the website containing the Eulogy which I delivered in the church. This means that for those who couldn’t make the church service, they can still read a short account of Meg’s life and have something other than a photograph to remember her by. With modern phones, it is so easy just to put a finger in the ‘Message’ space to paste a link and I have been right through my phone to do this so my message has been spread far and wide. I did this to a friend and near neighbour of ours who lives in Hampshire and she also clicked the Tributes link and discovered what her own children had written to me (and she had no idea about it) I am hoping that if they journey North on a holiday that we might all meet up again and exchange good news of past times. Without wanting to sound excessively morbid or self-obsessed about all of this, I did find a website under the title ‘Finding Comfort in Words: Popular Quotes about Grief’ and I must say that I have found the contributions quite helpful. A common theme throughout many of the quotes is that grief is just the flip side of love, best expressed pithily by our late departed Queen in the profound quote that ‘grief is the price we pay for love’. I have just received some amazing emails and one, in particular from one of my female ex University of Winchester colleagues. She explained how wonderful she found the music and how much she had enjoyed the service overall and the rest of the day when in the evening we drank champagne and told each other stories before having a meal together. I must say that I had not been looking forward to the day of the funeral but now it is all over, it is absolutely the case that having a magnificent send off for Meg in a ‘Celebration of Life’ event does great things for the alleviation of the grieving process. A final thought on all of this is the amazing contribution that our domestic help is making in all of this. Week by week, things get cleared that would act as reminders of Meg and are in fact, clutter, so a lot of shoes have been removed from the shoe rack in the hall, as well as outdoor coats from the clothes rack we have underneath the stairs in our hall. Not only does this remove what is clutter but it helps in the therapeutic process as well. I would go as far to say that it takes a good family friend to assist you in all of this as the grieving person has a little too much emotional attachment to be able to do it efficiently. Often this is another family member, of course, but I am delighted I/we are getting on with this job sooner rather than later.

In the morning, I walked down into town and met up with two of my normal Wetherspoon’s friends. Then we were joined by my University of Birmingham friend so after I had taken coffee with my normal Saturday group, I continued with my University of Birmingham friend and Seasoned World Traveller with whom I used to have intense quasi political/philosophical discussions in the park during the dark COVID days. With Meg being unable to participate in these discussions and my needing to get her home, we have not had the opportunity to have these types of discussion for a couple of years now so we made up for it this morning. In fact, we are probably all going to out for the day as a threesome on Sunday morning where no doubt we will continue to argue and to discuss. I have also been in contact with an Asian lady from South Africa who used to live around the corner but has now moved to Droitwich. We have kept in touch and will probably meet up for a coffee and/or a drink when I get back from Yorkshire next Friday.

For lunch I threw together some stir-fry vegetables, add some remains of ham and then turned the whole into a curry, most of which I ate but some of which for later on in the day. After lunch, once I had had a bit of a rest I decided to give the front lawns a cut. To be honest, they did not really need it but I like to keep up the routine but the grass is past its rapid growth spurt and we have not had a lot of rain to encourage it to grow. On Saturday evenings, I generally go to church and after my local church had done us proud for Meg’s funeral celebrations so I thought it important that I go this weekend As soon as I stepped out of the door, I realised that I had no car,(the car having been returned to Motability) so I phoned up my local taxi form and got a taxi at a reasonable price that arrived within 5 minutes. After the service, my eucharistic minister/organist parishioner and her husband gave me a lift home and they themselves were looking forward to a week away in Portugal starting next Tuesday. I returned home and finished off the curry which I followed by some ice cream and then prepared for an early night as I may have quite a busy day tomorrow. Last night in the middle of the night I saw a fascinating podcast between Rory Stewart and Alastair Campbell and their broadcasts, although late at night, are well informed and fascinating. They were both of the view that the Iranians pummelled by the Israelis and let down by the Americans who were supposedly organising peace talks were pushed into a corner. These analysts thought that the Iranians could now go out to develop a nuclear weapon as this was the only way to counteract the overarching power of the Israeli military. So suddenly, the world is a much more dangerous place and a nuclear confrontation has moved several notches closer.

Yesterday my alarm woke me at 6.00am but I turned over and promptly went back to sleep again for another one hour and a half which I must have needed. These days I have received a flood of sympathy cards as well as the more immediate text messages. One sympathy card was especially heartwarming and, so much so, that I am going to incorporate some of the sentences into the tributes page for Meg which will slowly be augmented as messages arrive. This particular word was from a young lady who is now in her 30;s but was only 4 years old when we first moved to Hampshire which was nearly twenty eight years ago. Meg and I acted as surrogate grandparents to the two delightful children who lived 2-3 doors away and the youngsters popped around almost ever day because their parents knew that they safe with us and their own grandparents lived in Devon which was more than 100. miles away. In the card, the now grown up young woman had written of Meg that ‘she was in credible woman who had an impact on many, including us… Mike, we struck gold ad children when we had you and Meg as our surrogate/local grandparents and that is something we will forever be grateful for’ One has to say that that is one of the most heartwarming and touching tributes it is possible evert to receive and I hope we can meet up again fairly soon to reestablish relationships. On the afternoon of the day of funeral, I had organised a hardback book in which people can write a sentence or so and this, too, is so heartwarming. In fact, I have just read a card from one of Meg’s carers which reads as follows. ‘I feel privileged to say that I used to care for Meg – she was a lovely lady and just a special lady in. my eyes from her smiling at me when calling her to reaching to hold my hand. I will never forget her, never.’

This morning, I needed to call in at the local branch of my bank which, fortunately, still has a presence of the High Street. I needed to p[ay in. cheque actually made out to Meg but a refund of some of the deposit made on our now returned Motability vehicle. Altogether, I was in the bank for 30 minutes first waiting for some 10 minutes for the assistant to see me. Fortunately, it was the same person who helped me to close down Meg’s account about a month or so ago now, so I was relieved about that. The assistant found a dormant account some thirty years old with about £25.00 in it, evidently dating from the days when one only had passbooks so eventually, this money will wing its way over to me and that will take several days but it took three signatures and a photocopy of my driving licence and my passport to get this transaction concluded. After I had concluded my business at the bank, I went to have coffee in the Methodist Centre which Meg and I used to frequent when I could Meg into a car but not at all for the last year. But the coffee centre was all locked up today- perhaps it is a closure because of the imminence of the summer holidays. So after this, I wandered slowly down the High Street and decided to go into ‘The Lemon Tree’ cafe to which I managed to push Meg for about six months before she died. the cafe is run by an Italian lady and her daughters and we knew each other slightly as we both attend the same Catholic church. As soon as I entered, I was embraced and consoled for my loss because the cafe owners had read about Meg’s death and funeral in the parish newsletter. I treated myself to some home made cake and coffee and then made my way down to Waitrose and texted my son who came to pick me up to save my legs or a journey up the hill When I go home, made myself a salad lunch and had a little doze afterwards before I got myself ready to give the back lawns a cut, which I did a bit later in the afternoon.. Then I thought I would make a ritual call to the Teachers’ Pensions Agency to see if thy had received my application for a continuation of a portion of Meg’s pension (which is sorely needed). I as greeted with he by now familiar news that the computer system was ‘down’ but I nonetheless persisted. Then I received the pleasant news that my application form had been received and was being processed. A letter had been sent to me which was kindly read out to me. The import of this was that the calculation of the benefit was being reviewed in the light of recent Court judgements and this might delay things somewhat but I am very relieved that the application gas been received and some action is being taken on it.

The news media late yesterday evening was switching between major, televisual, news stories. The first of these was the horrendous plane crash in India where more than 240 [passengers and crew died but absolutely remarkably, one British citizen walked out of the plane crash alive and what appear to be superficial injuries. The other major news story is documenting the way in which the Israelis have finally decided, with or without American knowledge to ‘take out’ or at least severely degrade nuclear facilities in Iran It also appears that top military chiefs and even nuclear scientists have been targeted and many of them killed. For their part, the Iranians have started to retaliate but is is likely that all, or nearly all of their drones have been successfully intercepted by the Israelis. But now the Iranians are launching full scale. missiles and this may the start of several days of ‘tit-for-tat’ as Israel and Iran trade blows with each other. Almost inevitably, one wonders how this is going to end but no doubt the Israeli military strategists have taken the view that both countries may inflict damage upon the other but the Israelis must be calculating that they can inflict more damage upon Iran than Iran can upon Israel.

Yesterday morning I awoke early and instead of going back to bed and having a more extended sleep, I got up and busied myself with some tidying up activities, for example putting away the photographs which were atop Meg’s coffin and which were then transported to the hotel’s memorabilia table. The day today is generally allocated to shopping but I had a reasonable supply of things in stock and I am going away next Monday so I probably do not need to shop at all once I have assured myself that we have the bare essentials. My son called round and then our Spanish friend arrived because we had promised to take her to the railway station so that she can get to the airport midday and catch a flight back to Madrid. We both expressed to her our profound gratitude that not only had our friend dropped everything to be at Meg’s deathbed and managed to be with her an hour and a half before her death but came over for the funeral. Afterwards my son and I paid a quick call to Morrisons so that I could use the ATM ad we both wished to buy a single item from within the store. Afterwards, my son dropped me off outside my Italian friend who I had arranged to see in the later part of the morning. She had texted me because she had to dash off at the start of the afternoon to look after her sister who was having an asthma attack and needed some care and support. To make matters a little worse, her own brother who was in his 90’s had died very recently and the date of his funeral coincided with that of Meg’s. I spent over an hour with my friend and we mainly talking about grieving strategies and the ways of coping with the loss of a loved one after over half a century of marriage (in both of our cases, as it happens) Then I walked home but the weather was a distinct change to the day before and had turned rather showery. I was faced with the task of cooking a dinner for myself when I did not feel particularly hungry but I took a ham and cheese pastry out of the freezer and microwaved this with some microwavable vegetables for speed. Having been up for so early, I did not feel very bright eyed or bushy tailed and had to force myself to some tidying up jobs. I then thought I would try to access the Teachers Pensions Agency as my application of continuation of pension, complete with death certificate and marriage certificate, has been lodged with them for practically three weeks without as much as a simple acknowledgement . But their systems were ‘down’ and I was asked to try them again in a hour’s time when they hope they may get their IT system fixed (but personally I am not hopeful) As the sun has come out in the late afternoon, I am trying to ‘train myself’ to always get some fresh air and sunshine whilst I can, as the longest day is only nine days away. The next few days, not to mention the next three weeks, are going to a little difficult for me as I have to learn to manage without a car and the town centre suddenly appears to be a bit more distant for me.

I appreciate that now Meg’s funeral is over, there will be quite a period of readjustment. Before she died, she was having carers call four times a day and so the house seemed quite busy and, of course, there was always a chat with the carers. Even after her death nearly five weeks ago, there was a lot to be done and to be organised and, even if the house was not busy with visitors as such, there were a lot of messages, emails and telephone calls to be dealt with. and so naturally I was kept busy with this and there were always the photographs to be sorted through and analysed, But now, of course it will be an intensely quiet period for me and so I am relieved that I booked the opportunity to go away and see my Yorkshire relatives for some more extended discussions and family time. So the next three days will be quiet but I am determined to go out and see people on each day between now and Monday when I go away. One stand out feature of yesterday was the role played by Martin’s best friend who I have met on railway tips in the past. Martin’s friend, on hearing of Meg’s death, immediately said he come and attend the funeral to support Martin in his hour of need. We used him as an MC to help to marshal the guests whilst the immediate family were at the crematorium yesterday and he did a really magnificent job in performing the little admin tasks which we had asked him to do in our absence. In fact, he was more than happy to be engaged in such tasks. But as he and my son look quite alike and have both lost their hair, then more than distant relative who we have not seen my son for decades got the two of them mixed up with other so Martin’s friend had to discreetly point out that the to the true objects of their expressions of sympathy. I am going to write him a fulsome email of thanks and appreciation later on in the day. To complete my tale of woe with the Teachers Pensions Agency their system was still ‘down’ when I phoned up as advised an hour later. This means that a huge backlog of unanswered queries will no doubt have built up with no increase of staff to deal with them so I fear that whatever delays and frustration caused by the delays can only grow and grow. In the late afternoon, I had a video call with my sister who I am going to see in a few days time and gave her a blow-by-blow account of bow things had gone yesterday and then I am going to slot into my evening routine which is to watch the 6.00pm news and then prepare a light tea for myself.

And so the day finally dawned yesterday, after a wait of four and half weeks, for the final rites to be said in Meg’s funeral. In some ways, it seems an incredibly long period of time since Meg left us but in other ways, the time has absolutely flown by. The day was to be very much the day of two halves as it were, with the solemnity (I trust) of a Catholic Mass which Meg absolutely wanted, to be followed after the committal at the crematorium by the jollier afternoon tea party where I expect the mood to be so much lighter in tone. I am very conscious that so many people will be having to make long journeys of which the greatest is our dear friend from Madrid who again, as at the time of Meg’s death, is making the journey to be by Meg’s side. The eulogy which is to be delivered in the five minute slot allocated to it has been rehearsed for countless times (to improve the intonation, emphasis, breathing etc.) Two very much last minute items are going to be brought along this morning to adorn Meg’s coffin if the undertakers are in agreement. The first is the absolutely stunning photo of Meg taken as a staff photo taken in about 1980 when she would have been about 33 years of age (before her birthday in October later in the year) I have pressed into use a frame which had been used for our Spanish god-daughter as a young girl but now used for Meg. The other artefact will be three or four deep red roses freshly harvested on the day of Meg’s funeral from our own back garden and with an accompanying card. On a similar theme, Meg and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary in the Hotel Hesperia in Santiago de Compestela, Northern Spain. On the day of the celebrations, Meg and I evidently turned up in plenty of time to make sure that all of the preparations had been correctly done and we went to inspect the room where our meal was to be held. The whole room was decorated with a most wonderful the kinds of flowers that would typically grace an English garden. One of the waitresses who we knew particularly well could not attend on the day of our celebrations but had picked a whole selection of flowers from her own, English style garden and, at her own expense and time used these to decorate the whole of the room where the meal was to be held. As it happens, I remember this day particularly well and it stands out in my memory. We had arranged with the hotel management that we would have a little welcome gathering in a reception room adjacent to our dining room where we were to make some introductory speeches. As I remember, Meg did the welcoming part in Spanish whilst I did a parallel thing in English as we had a mixture of both Spanish family/friends and some of my own family who had made the journey to Santiago to help us celebrate. The hotel management had been asked to supply a few ‘entrantes’ or starter bits to whet the appetite but this was so extensive and abundant that my English family thought that that this was to be the main repast of the day instead of just a starter. Then another highlight of the day was the visit about two thirds of the way through the meal of what are called the ‘Tunas Universitarias’ These are music students, often post graduates who are attired in mediaeval garb and come along to play (with an accompanying guitars, lute, tambur) and all with fine singing voices. They then perform the kinds of Spanish songs that all Spanish people of whatever class or generation will know well and they all join heartily in the singing. One such song is ‘Cielito Lindo’ meaning ‘sweetheart’ and is a popular Mexican folk song often known as the ‘Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay song’. It’s a classic melody with lyrics about love and beauty. The song’s refrain, ‘Ay, ay, ay, ay! Canta y no llores,’ is widely recognised, encouraging people to sing instead of to cry. The song has a rich history and is often performed by various artists , including André Rieu and in Mexico, where it is often associated with celebrations and festivals. If this song were to be played to an English audience (don’t tempt me) the tune would probably be known as the song recorded by Alma Cogan in 1957 whose English title was ‘You, Me and Us – We are my favourite people’

So we turned up for the funeral service scheduled to start at 12.00 but we were there 50 minutes beforehand. As often happens on these occasions, those who had travelled the furthest (i.e. from Yorkshire, Hampshire) actually arrived before anybody else but the courtyard before the church soon filled up with family, neighbours, three of the young care workers who cared for Meg so brilliantly and even two of the Waitrose staff and an Admiral nurse with a total congregation of about 50. When the coffin arrived, there was a stunning display adorning the coffin of deep red roses much bigger and better than I could possibly have imagined. In fact the officiating priest had to ask early in the Mass that the roses be removed in order to accommodate a bible and a crucifix to be placed on the coffin. The service was almost flawless and the singing superb particularly from the husband of the Eucharistic minister. I managed to get through the Euology without bursting into tears and went off script a little by adding to the end ‘And so Meg – Sunshine – hasta la vista’ and and the congregation responded with a ripple of applause. The service was absolutely everything that Meg could have possibly wished for and I thought it was superb – in fact the best funeral I have ever attended. Our choices of music seemed to be appreciated by the congregation as well. Then we had to journey to the crematorium which was a little tortuous because some of the nearby roads were blocked off but the committal at the crematorium was simple, dignified and beautiful in its own way. It had had a humorous moment in it as well because upon leaving I bent to kiss Meg’s coffin and put my hand upon it whereupon it moved several inches on a transport belt. It looked as though I was giving Meg a final shove into the future and we all saw the funny side of this.

The afternoon proceedings were joyous. I gave my account of numerous humorous incidents from Meg’s life which I hoped nobody had heard before. After a glass of champagne, three very moving tributes followed which was just about the right number – one from our ex Erasmus student and life long friend who had flown in from Madrid, one from a University of Winchester colleague and the final one from a De Montfort university colleague and friend who came to visit Meg when she forced to retire. This was followed by yet another toast in champagne after which people started to drift away but I stayed on drinking champagne and talking with ex-colleagues who were staying overnight in the hotel and our Madrid friend. We did this until the restaurant had nearly closed and then six of us went off to have a meal and more animated conversation. Although it sounds a very strange thing to say, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Meg either would be/is thrilled with every part of the day and one could not have wished for a more perfect day. Although there must have been some tears, I think there were tears of happiness as much as sorrow. My thoughts about the final farewells to Meg were that it was a most wonderful and fitting tribute at the end of her life and I can only look back on it with the most wonderful memories of Meg and the funeral day itself.

The day dawned yesterday and it seemed dull and gloomy to boot. According to the weather forecasts, the day should be quite bright and sunny but we have not got off to a very auspicious start. We had a flurry of last minute preparations to ensure that we had some ‘bidding prayers’ which are also known as prayers of intercession or universal prayers, are a form of prayer where a leader or minister invites the congregation to pray for specific needs and intentions. They are often used in liturgical services, such as the Catholic Mass, and engage the community in a shared prayer experience. I need not have panicked, though, because these had already been written and are to be passed onto a friend of a friend who often reads the bidding prayers at church in our normal Saturday service. In any event, I discovered the ’10 most used bidding prayers used in Catholic funerals’so I have downloaded these as a backup in case anything goes awry tomorrow and adapted them accordingly by inserting Meg’s name. This is all ‘belt and braces’ stuff but it will make me feel a little more reassured against things going wrong. Our domestic help is due to call around today and she is very kindly making sure that I have a freshly laundered and ironed shirt and the appropriate black tie. Incidentally, I have no strong feelings about people wearing black for a funeral and if some want to turn up in their every day clothes, this is fine by me. Our domestic help is going to wear Meg’s favourite colour as a mark of respect and this gesture is of course appreciated. Our domestic help called around yesterday one earlier than usual as Wednesday will be taken up with the funeral rites. After an extended chat with her and with my son who had called round, my son gave me a lift down into town and there I want to visit Wetherspoons. Rather unusually, none of my usual Tuesday companions were there although last Saturday they did indicate that they might have other commitments this week. As I made my way up the hill, having collected my newspaper, I received a most welcome phone call from my Irish friend inviting in for coffee. I was delighted to see my friend because after the operation he had last week, he had experienced two really rough nights of discomfort which were so severe they phoned the hospital where the operation had been performed for advice. But I was delighted to receive the news that after this setback, my friend seemed set to be set for recovery. I took pleasure in showing them the website where I had posted the ‘classic images’ I had discovered of Meg taken when she was in her early 30’s and before afflictions started to strike her- one photograph in particular is so good I may have it blown up and made into a more permanent display. I stayed with our friends for about half an hour after which I came home, changed into my Pilates jogging trousers and my son ran me down the hill for my Pilates class. This was full of laughter and good humour as it often is after which my son very kindly collected me to bring me home. I would normally have used the car but, of course, it has been taken back by Motability so I am having to get used to a car-less experience for a few weeks. After I got home, I lunched on some mackerel which I had on a slice of rye bread enhanced by some beetroot and tomato and this was certainly filling enough for a main midday meal.

After lunch, the weather had brightened up a fair deal so I took the opportunity to cut the grass at the front of the house. This used to be quite difficult when I had do one half of a cut and then rush inside to see that Meg was OK but now I cut it one way, reward myself with a chocolate ice-cream and then cut the grass in a transverse direction. Whilst I still had the car, I had taken the opportunity during the last few years to get a gallon of premium petrol to which I add some fuel stabiliser to counteract the effect of the water absorbing properties of ethanol which is added to the normal i.e. non-premium petrol these days. Then I permitted myself a quick tea of some ice-cream and then settled down to watch the England-Senegal football game, about which more later. At some time during the first half, the doorbell rang and it was my wonderful Welsh neighbour who came round with a bottle of amontillado sherry to perform a celebratory toast for Meg. Now my neighbour is a really good neighbour and is always ‘watching out for me’ and occasionally brings me food from the garden centre establishment where she works. Well, my neighbour and I have a lot to chat over with each other but have not had much opportunity since I have been so preoccupied with looking after Meg. But now, I suspect that we are going to see a lot more of each other which bodes very well for the immediate future, particularly as we both intend to stay here for several years. My neighbour has seen me caring for Meg over the years and gradually getting more and more worn down in the process but is not unhappy that Meg died peacefully at home and that my own health has not been irrevocably ruined whilst caring for her. Our neighbour is insistent that she wants to come to the crematorium with us tomorrow and I am sure will be a massive support of support and comfort to me in the few months and years ahead. Now to return to the football match, which I started watching but abandoned when my neighbour called round. After she had left, I looked at the TV and Senegal had beaten England 3-1 which is the first time that the England team have been beaten by an African team. England had previously struggled with to a 1-0 win over the lowly Andorra and so the performance of the English team over the last two games is adjudged to be absolutely dire.

Late in the evening before yesterday, I took various thoughts, anecdotes and incidents from Meg’s life and wove them into a kind of narrative which I hope to relay to all of our guests during Meg’s funeral tea on Wednesday. These themes often link naturally and I have tried to give some precedence to these stories that most will not have heard before but, in any case, are certainly worthy of a re-telling. Although it is quite a daunting task to sum up someone’s life in a few minutes, I hope that my re-telling of some of these stories will bring a smile to the face. I have had a flood of sympathy cards during the last few days but on Wednesday afternoon itself, I intend to have a little book available in which people can write a few words of their memories of Meg. I will ask everyone to include their current email address so that I can reply to each one individually. In the last few years, Meg lost both a cousin and an uncle and we have both lost life long friends and were not able to attend their funerals but have been sent an ‘Order of Service’ from those events which we could not attend. So I am having a good supply of our own ‘Order of Service’ booklets printed so that, likewise, I can send a copy to our friends and acquaintances many of whom are on holiday at this particular time. My son called around fairly early in the morning and we discussed what needed to be done today. In particular, it was important that we make a journey over the hotel to transport the bottles of Cava (in three varieties) that had already been purchased. The young receptionist had no idea how to deal with us but, fortunately, one of the managers was in the vicinity and he evidently had some idea what was going on. He relieved us of the bottles of champagne and informed us that it would be cooled ready for serving out on Wednesday. I had taken the precaution of preparing special tag to go around the neck of each bottle conveying our name, the event it was destined for and, most importantly conveying the information that corkage had already been paid on each bottle. After this task was accomplished, my son had to leave but I popped down the road in the car to pick up our daily newspaper.

The other major ‘happening’ of the day was that it was the day that the Motability car needed to be returned. In theory, one is allowed two weeks of grace before the car is handed back but I had successfully extended this by one week and then by a further week so altogether I have had four weeks of grace. But the day had to come when the car had to go and it is a source of regret that Motability would not let me buy it. Apparently, they used to do this until about a year ago and then had a change of policy which is a pity as I have enjoyed driving this hybrid very much. Being a bit higher off the road than the normal car, I also found it easier to get Meg into and out of it but all of that is history now. Having waited in for most of the day, the representative even made a phone call saying he would be another two hours yet but he turned up at about 5.30 in the afternoon and I handed the car over having checked completely that there was nothing at all left inside. In the meanwhile, I have stored various boot liners in the garage which may, or may not, fit the car I hope to acquire when the dust settles. In the middle of the afternoon, the Eucharistic minister called around as she said that we would to make the final arrangements for the funeral on Wednesday. I had delayed giving the final seal of approval to the ‘Order of Service’ until my friend had had a look at at it. The copy is supplied to me as a PDF file and having run off the pages, one then has to assemble them into a little booklet to envisage what the finished product is to look like. I had earlier in the day made some mock-ups of how the final booklet will appear and I had got one of these right but a subsequent one incorrectly assembled but I am pretty sure by now that things are as they should be. I received a phone call from the undertakers where I confirmed that we could go ahead with the final print run and we also made sure that the correct music is going to be played both in the church and also in the crematorium. We are now in the count down phase until Wednesday which cannot come soon enough. My friend did communicate to me some not very pleasant news about an illness with which she has been diagnosed but I commiserated and promised her whatever support I could give. After the funeral is all done and dusted and the little trip to Yorkshire is concluded, then I said that I invite her and her husband round for a dinner or a lunch one day. I ascertained that she, like me, is a lover of a good fish pie so this gives me the excuse to make a pie in the fashion that I was accustomed to doing a year or so back and then, hopefully, not only can we have en enjoyable meal together but I can build up a stock of fish pies for subsequent Fridays.

I am delighted that the government have finally seen the light and restored the ‘Winter Fuel Allowance’ for pensioners. Practically all Labour MPs, not to mention councillors in the country, would have had their ears assailed when they out knocking at doors before the recent local elections and they could have been left in no doubt as to the unpopularity of the policy. I do reflect, though, that I had to nurse Meg through a winter which was the coldest for 10 years and I had to struggle hard to keep her warm and comfortable when the government saw fit to withdraw the winter fuel allowance. In the meantime, the cut-of figure for eligibility is being mentioned s £35k but it is not clear whether this is a net or gross income figure but tomorrow’ newspapers may contain this detail.

When I awoke yesterday, it was to be a fine and bright day and so, after two days of unseasonable gloom, it look as though we might be getting back to some summery weather. It is often the case that Sundays can be a slightly difficult time to navigate when you are on your own and social contacts tend always to centre around family members but we shall to see what today brings. One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is the success that I had in repairing one of the classic photos of Meg recently rediscovered. One of them had been part of a larger sheet of photos that had evidently formed a large composite photoshoot of staff members. When I acquired this sheet of photos, some had already been cut out by scissors and according to the operation of Sod’s Law, the one of Meg was the only one to actually have a tear in it. I cut it out and tried to repair it using sellotape on the back of the photo but the jagged edges of the tear still remained, But I had in mind that there might be software that could ‘repair’ scratches on old photographs and if you are skilled in Photoshop, there are tools by which you could effect a repair yourself but it is tricky to say the least. So I did search on the internet and very quickly found a program that claimed to use AI (Artificial Intelligence) technology to identify and repair scratches on old photographs. Sometimes the offending mark can be a crease mark if an old photograph has been bent or folded in any way. I have to say the technology worked liked magic and in no time at all, I had a seemingly perfectly restored picture of Meg (although, of course, the original is still damaged). Needless to say I found this technology very useful as was also another programme that I found to correct a tilt in a photo (which can be occasioned by the scanner lid moving a small photo when the lid is closed)

After I had breakfasted, I watched some of the political programmes broadcast on a Sunday morning and then received a welcome call from my University of Birmingham friend. We decided to meet in the park where we stayed for a little time, surveying the scene from our usual benches. Then we set off to a location which has quite a large man-made lake (I suspect it may have been gravel pits) now devoted to a variety of water sports and complete with a café. But the car park and overflow car park were absolutely teemingly full so we judged that there must be some type of competition or event in progress and we gave this a miss and went for our coffee instead to a local garden centre which neither of us have frequented for about a year or so. Fortunately, there was plenty of space available to us but we were absolutely amazed, after we had bought our coffee and a portion of apple pie to share between us, that the coffee was served to us in cups but without a saucer. When we asked for a saucer, we were informed that they do not ‘do’ saucers and we subsequently learnt that the cafe owner was following the example of Marks and Spencer’s in dispensing with saucers. In view of the fact that saucers have been in common use for two centuries and have proved their worth in that time (prevention of drips, resting place for a spoon) we could not believe that such a cost-cutting measure had been implemented. We had a hearty discussion lasting for an hour or so and then my friend dropped me off at home in his car. I did not feel like cooking at that late hour but made myself a ‘quickie’ lunch of a tin of tuna, blended with some salad cream and 1000 Island dressing and served on half a slice of sourdough bread.

After lunch, I spent some time working out how to add some captions in a horizontal list to provide captions for the photographs of Meg and managed to achieve this and to stitch it in to the latest version of the HTML display code. Then I received a phone from one of my ex-female colleagues from the University of Winchester and we had a lovely chat – I anticipate seeing her on Wednesday in any case and then meeting with her and some other former colleagues for drinks and supper later on in the evening of Wednesday. Thus rather delayed my major task of the day which was to prepare the Motability car that we had as part of Meg’s support package but now has to be handed back. I needed to take out all of the extra mats and boot liners I had fitted and the other bits and pieces that you tend to carry round in the car (CDs, cleaning materials). The car needs to be handed first thing in the morning so this task could not be delayed any more and, of course, one needs to hand over locking nuts, spare keys and manuals as well. I will then be car-less for a week or so which not be incredibly inconvenient as the week following the funeral, I am going to visit Yorkshire but I had already decided to go by train and had already bought the tickets in anticipation. My son and I have entered into an arrangement whereby I will inherit his car but the new car he was buying for himself, originally promised for the first week ion June (which is now), has been delayed for the best part of a month, which could hardly have come at a less convenient time. There are times in my life when I have survived without a car but they tend to have been when I have been undertaking teaching trips abroad for extended periods both in Madrid and in Jakarta. But Madrid has an excellent transport system which I used extensively and taxis hardly at all, whereas in Jakarta I tended to be whisked around by car, principally by the person who acted as an admin assistant to the University. No doubt I will manage again but it will take me a day or so to acclimatise to not having a car on the drive.

Yesterday when I got up, I set to work completing a little computing job which worked out very well. I had written a one page ‘Commentary’ on the classic photos I recently retrieved from a filing cabinet drawer and which I have now scanned and put on their own little website. In time, I may incorporate them into the main site for the time being, I am quite happy that they form their own separate little archive as it were. The ‘Commentary’ link means that when a viewer accesses the website, by clicking on the link they have a one page summary detailing some of the history and the significance of the photos I have just located and they can go ‘Back’ to view the collection. The day started in a cold and gloomy fashion and I have no particular commitments scheduled for today except to pop down and see my friends in Wetherspoons which I actually missed last Tuesday. So after breakfast, I trundled down the hill and met up with my three friends. I also did a quick tour of the venue and bumped into Seasoned World Traveller from my park visiting days. He was feeling a bit under the weather but I gave him an information sheet about the funeral arrangements as I thought he would want to miss a church service but might be able to make the tea party in the afternoon. Then, just as I was leaving, my University of Birmingham friend hove into view and we agreed that we would both go out somewhere tomorrow, perhaps for a pub lunch or somewhere overlooking a bit of water which my friend always finds relaxing. I called in at Waitrose to collect my copy of The Times but they had taken no delivery of it that day- as I was preparing to buy a copy of ‘The I‘ newspaper, one of the friendly partners pushed it into my hand without my having to pay for it. On my way home, I ran into my Italian friend who was on her way to visit another friend so we just had a brief chat and I informed her that I would travelling up to Harrogate for a few days in the week following the funeral. I lunched on a curry + vegetables mixture I had evidently prepared and stored some time ago in the freezer so I thawed it out and had it on some broken up water biscuits (the latter being to cut down on carbs)

In the afternoon, I continued playing about with, and refining, some of the ways in which Meg’s classic photos can be displayed. I remember that I utilised some software written years ago (and not by me) which put each photo into a window and you accessed a series of buttons along the bottom to select the appropriate photo. The first entry needs to be a caption table so there is an explanation of each photo but I thought this system was pretty neat and economical so I adapted it from when I had last used it. This seems to have the occasion when Meg and I had a holiday in Cantabria and was eight years ago – with writing this blog and looking after Meg, I have not had the time or the opportunity to have much ‘playing about’ time to keep my skills current. In both of the rolling displays and this static but user-controlled one, I have written a simple one page background to these important finds but it actually took up most of the afternoon to adapt and enhance the code which I had written eight years go. Now this is done, I can use it for other collections – for example, I might take a lot of photos of my Yorkshire family I have not seen for years. In the late afternoon, I went to church which was a little quieter than I expected this evening. The next time I enter the church, Meg’s coffin will be there and I just hope that I will be able to keep my emotion in check ready to read our the eulogy. All should be well until the valedictory last line or so which has quite an emotional punch to it at the end but I am rehearsing this so that I can do it correctly when the occasion demands.

It now seems extraordinary to me that four weeks has gone by since Meg’s passing and a funeral which is practically five weeks after the event is not ideal. But there is so much to do when someone dies but so far, with the assistance of my son, practically everything has gone smoothly. Although Meg was sleeping so much for the last few weeks when her body was gradually shutting down, I was having carers in four times a day and, in theory, there should have been two on each occasion so the house seemed quite busy. But these days, it is very quiet but I am trying to develop new routines so that I am not tempted to sit around and mope. Getting next Wednesday out of the way will be a big help. I feel it is rather like organising a play that will have a run of one night only but there is no time for rehearsals and, like taking a photograph, you generally only have one opportunity to get everything right. But organising all of the photos and responding to a lot of email and other messages has taken a lot of time so I am actually going o bed pretty tired out these days.

On the other side of the Atlantic, The Trump-Musk row rumbles on. The two men could, of course, patch things up. It wouldn’t be the first time either has said outrageous things on social media that they later shrugged off. But in one way, the damage has already been done. The world has witnessed two of its most powerful people row like teenagers with no evidence of the wisdom, restraint or cool-headedness most would expect of reliable businessmen and heads of state. Given the state of the world right now, what the lurid details of their row says about the two men is more terrifying than titillating. I must admit that I had not realised that SpaceX is so heavily reliant on government contracts from NASA and the US military. But it could be years before a competitor can rival its near-monopoly on space launches.